This sounds a bit odd, so I wonder if anyone else struggles with this, but sometimes I feel guilty about sleeping… Like, i know it’s necessary to function and all, but when I lay down and shut my eyes it’s almost like my thoughts all start screaming at me, and telling me I’m not allowed to sleep, and I don’t deserve to because I haven’t gotten everything I’m supposed to done today. I’m a Music major with nine classes and work, so I know that’s ridiculous, but knowing and feeling are two very different things. If I listen to the mind clutter and don’t sleep, my emotions begin spiraling out of control, and I get panic attacks and can’t function at all. I used to feel the same way about eating, but I’m pretty much past that. I’m curious what other people do to shut off the internal blabberfest and get some rest.
Yeah man, that sucks, ha. Sleep is so good and so necessary when you have such a heavy load, like the one you’re carrying. But to feel like you’re walking into a snare of shame every time you lay down to sleep…that’s brutal dude.
Couple things:
- know that this is actually rooted in logic…at some point in your past you learned that the worst thing you could possibly be in the world is lazy, or unaccomplished, or something to that effect – something to do with productivity or accomplishing stuff…and at some point you were probably called lazy or chastised for not doing enough, and you were heavy-laden with a HUGE heaping of guilt or shame…and so now when you lay down, you want to make sure that you have proof in your day that no one could ever come and lay that shame on you again. And until you do, your mind is going to keep you wide awake out of anxiety of the potential pain that’s going to come if you don’t defend yourself. Filling in the pieces with what happened in your past is going to be incredibly empowering because:
- you can write down the beliefs you’ve picked up along the way – you can tell what kind of belief it is from the fruit of those beliefs…IE if you believed that you are loved, the fruit would be that you would feel satisfaction when you lie down because you could know that you gave your best and know that either way you are safe and loved. The fruit reveals that that belief is the truth! VERSUS if you believe that you are one step away from getting shamed for your laziness, the fruit of that belief would be intense anxiety, fear of going to sleep, fear of your failure or your inadequacy, panic attacks, can’t sleep, etc. The fruit reveals that this belief is a lie. Naming the belief, in other words, putting REAL WORDS to what it is you are believing subconsciously, is incredibly powerful. So do the work in #1 (believe you are logical and this feeling is rooted in logic – you believe something so you act on that belief, that is logical, even if the belief itself is inaccurate), and then name the belief in #2.
- find the truth. Find a belief to replace the lie. Seek it, study it, commit it to your heart, and when you feel the lie coming up, just speak the truth out loud. The goal is to renew your mind, and being able to not only think a thought, but to make the words and to hear the words audibly activates different parts of your brain and helps carve new pathways so you can begin to truly BELIEVE the truth. So find the truth, commit it to memory, and say it out loud any time you feel the lie come up.
This will give you a weapon to fight back against these thoughts!
This sucks.
I hope you have better times in the future.