Mixed emotions for the future

My life is going through a big change in the next couple days and my mind has been overwhelmed with different thoughts and feelings on how to handle a few different situations. To say the least, this summer has been very difficult for me. I found out my on and off boyfriend wanted to be “off” again and that he slept with someone else while we were “on”. This made things weird for us during the beginning of summer. Aside from that my family absolutely hates me. I know hate is a strong word but they just want me gone. My friends have been in and out but they all have boyfriends so it’s been pretty lonely. Anyways, I’m leaving my hometown in a couple days to head back up to college for my final year. I have a new house that I’m living in with all my friends and I’m excited about that. What is boggling my mind is that my on again off again boyfriend thinks I’m coming to stay at his house for a night before my furniture gets delivered and as much as I want to run to him and accept all that comes with that, my gut is telling me no. I can’t shake this feeling that he’s seeing someone new for the first time ever and although I have no hard evidence I just have this strong feeling. It’s hard because I want to run from home so quick but now I don’t know how to feel about my plans for leaving. I know I could always bail, but that scares me too. What I want is him and I could have that, even though it’s not completely what I want. I think it’s been hard for me to admit that I want him exclusively and I’ve accepted the way things are because that’s what he wants and I don’t want to loose him but it’s killing me everyday. I feel like I’m stuck in a never ending cycle of unhappiness. I try to fill that void with work, friends, Netflix, but nothing ever changes. I guess writing this all out helps me feel a little better but I’m just worried for the next couple days and what will happen.

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I Hope You Can Find Some Comfort In This.

" Instead of dedicating your life to actualize a concept of what you should be like,
Actualize yourself.
The process of maturing does not mean to become a captive of conceptualization.
It is to come to the realization of what lies in our innermost selves."

Many of us struggle to be who we are and instead trying to live up to others ideas of what we should be, to societal norms or
To our herd instinct.

This is when we are going against our true nature.
And this is when our words and actions lose their conviction and their power.

In other words, it is when we deny our true nature and will, that is when we meet resistance.

Even if it might seem easier at first to go along with those comfortable habits and those laws.
(Bruce Lee)

Never Compromise Your Principles Just For Someone Who Would Discard You For Another.
You Are A Special Person. Unique To The World.
And Love Yourself Truly, Honestly and Completely First.
Then You Will Find The Person Who’s Values Compliment Your Own.
Then You Will Find Balance.

Much Love To You! Hugz!