So the other day, I noticed I haven’t been to the doctor’s office for a check up in years. I’ve had some concerns lately and figured now was a good time to schedule a check up appointment. I had that appointment the other day, and it was kinda good but really hard.
For the record, I have a lot of medical related phobias. Blood, needles, passing out, hospitals, doctors, you name it. Even the smell is triggering. I think this all has something to do with how I react to getting shots. Even when I’m totally calm, I still get really lightheaded and dizzy 5 to 10 minutes later. I told the office before hand about this and my anxiety. And they were super accommodating. They got me in fast and the doctor talked me through a lot. They did an amazing job. I had to get blood drawn, and they went the extra mile to make sure I was comfortable and safe.
However, that still didn’t stop my body from reacting. The doctor was worried about my heart rate because all the readings they did throughout the appointment were pretty high. Considering some of the concerns I had, he was worried it was more than just anxiety. And I couldn’t calm down enough to get it down.
They had me lay down when they drew my blood and had extra nurses there in case something happened. I did my very best to breath and not focus on what was happening. But after it was done, I couldn’t handle it any longer and passed out. I don’t know how long I was out for, but I woke up to the doctor and a resident talking about if they should send me down to the cardiologist downstairs because my heart rate was still not great. They ended up doing an EKG just to make sure I was ok.
In the end, the EKG and labs came out normal. It really was just anxiety that caused this whole scare. And I just am not sure how to feel about it. On one side, it’s good to know I’m physically healthy and the doctor did everything to make sure of it. But on the other side, my anxiety had a massive physical affect on me and I couldn’t control it. And I’ve just felt like I’ve not been able to manage it well no matter what I try. I know I should be proud that I still went and saw the doctor and braved through the blood test. But I’m pretty disheartened that it was scary and I couldn’t control my reaction. And I’m constantly reminded of this when I look down and see the or feel the bruise on my arm. It feels like if something touches that spot again I’m gonna be sick. I can’t stop thinking about what happened before and after I passed out. It’s really bothering me and I feel like there’s nothing I can do about it. I did so much to help my anxiety, and it still seemed like an epic failure.
Oh @beth_the_fake_ginger, that you followed through and had that check up is huge! That is a big win! The fact that you made it all the way through the appointment and walked back out after is phenomenal! Good for you. I love that you have a doctor and staff that understand and work with you regarding your anxiety. Not all doctors do that. I can tell you from experience (I’ve worked in a doctor’s office), many patients have anxiety when in the office. It’s actually not as unusual as you would think. So know that you are not alone in this. I know it doesn’t make it any easier, but know you are not unusual either. Please don’t beat yourself up over what your body chose to do in reaction to a situation you were in. It’s how your body chose to react. Just please don’t let this stop you from getting any further care you may need in the future. Again, I’m super impressed with you for being that brave in the first place. You faced your fears and actually conquered them by being there and doing what needed to be done.
Hey Beth,
That’s absolutely amazing that you went there despite your anxiety. I totally agree with Mamadien that this is a huge achievement.
Do you recall when the medical related phobias started? Did you make any negative experiences in the past?
The dizziness and being knocked out for 20-30 minutes after getting blood drawn is something I am familiar with, too. For me, this was related to a particular setting in which I made negative experiences. After changing this, the blood drawing and also getting vaccinated became so much better. However, I still wouldn’t put a foot inside a hospital voluntarily. I get lightheaded there, too. At least for me, I know this comes from negative experiences when I was a child, but I still stay away from medical professionals as much as possible.
None of what you’re writing sounds like a failure at all. On the very contrary, it is a great success that you went there and made it through it. I am very glad that the doctor and nurses were kind and understanding.
From: ᏒᎧᏕᎥᏋ
Hi Beth, hugs. Man, it sounds like you had a horrible time at the doctor and I’m so sorry you had to go thru that. It doesn’t seem like you had control over what happened and it sounds very sever. I’m glad the doctors were accommodating and did their best to take care of you. It must have been very frightening for you. Anxiety can play havoc on your body. I hope you can talk to your Therapist about this and work some things out. Take care! You matter! ~Mystrose
Hello Beth,
The first thing that I want to let you know is that you are NOT an epic failure. Even though you knew that you had all of these phobias, you still went & took care of yourself. Was it overwhelming? Heck yes, but you did it.
Would it help you to have some sort of routine set up the day or night before to help calm down a bit? Maybe some peppermint oil would help, it helps me when I am stressed or overwhelmed with something I have to face that I don’t want to deal with. Or maybe have someone go with you to sit with you in the waiting room & wait for you afterward? Then, you could have someone with you on the ride home & talk through things.
You got this. I am proud of you.
You are enough. You are strong. You are valid. You matter.
-StarFox 
From: Lisalovesfeathers
Hey Beth, its lovely to read your post and be able to respond to you friend, I am so sorry that happened to you at the Dr’s office, that must have been pretty worrying, I am glad you are ok. What I would like to say to you though is that Anxiety is nasty! you know that, I know that but it is also pretty smart I think. It seems to have a way of hitting us in ways that we dont expect and in ways that we cannot always control even if we try, I honestly believe that you could not have stopped that from happening that day so I would love for you to give yourself some grace and put it down to an experience. You had a wonderful team around you who cared for you and thankfully you are fine. It may happen again, it may never happen again, who knows with anxiety but whether it does or doesnt it will not be your fault, it will be your body doing its thing and getting it wrong again. You are doing an amazing job. lots of love. Lisalovesfeathers. x
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