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Mixing emotions about a new friend / still struggling with music

  1. I met a new friend from this meetup group I went to awhile back. She really cool, we go skateboarding, listen to similar and just a lot fun to hang out with. It really awesome to finally friend as a female, and someone just finally do stuff with , that does not sit at the house. However, I’m starting to have romantic feelings. She has a boyfriend and I know not to cross that boundaries and I would never want to mess someone relationship up. So I think she just want to be friends, which actually awesome. However me as a person that live BPD , my emotions get really intense. I do fear of losing this friend even thou we just start to hang out. She does not like incels, which I guess technically one ( I don’t go to online sites). I don’t she think me different if she found out about my past and start hating my guts. I hope this won’t be the case.

  2. I did show her my music today and kinda felt bad because I think she not into it. Which again is okay, but does remind that no likes my music and I can’t never find people to jam with. Just getting no answers in craglist and just having no like my music. It just getting me really depressed, feeling no matter how hard I try , no like my music. It put me into a dark place, it like why I’m even trying. I feel so reject by the music and everyone kept shutting me down.

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When I was growing up, it was sacrilege to not like rock and roll. I liked classical. My peers made fun of me for it. Now, I like some of almost every kind of music. I think there’s a bit of DNA programming that helps determine our taste in music. Some people’s nervous systems simply aren’t compatible with certain kinds of music. Musical taste is a bit like hair color, metabolism, or other combinations of features that make us unique. If someone doesn’t have interest in your music, don’t take it personally, just as you wouldn’t that someone is taller or shorter than you. Over time, it’s typical for a person’s taste in music to change or expand. The same thing will probably happen with you. You may even decide to play different kinds of music. There’s also something to be said for making an effort to appreciate different kinds of music.

Regarding BPD, it’s important to relax, and not even think about pushing any kind of agenda with her. It’s easier to manage feelings when they are re-directed as soon as they appear.

Hey Friend, I’m glad that you met a female friend - that’s awesome! As someone who’s made a lot of female friends over the years, I would say that the thoughts of not wanting to mess anything up is completely valid. While I have had romantic feelings for some of these friends (like what if it could happen kind of thoughts) I’ve taken what I can the higher road. Romantic feelings come and go and it’s important to keep people who energize you as friends no matter what. In otherwords, keep her as a friend and let the relationship grow naturally. Things will either start really vibing between you two romantically, or they may just tapper off and she’s that cool chick you hang out with all the time. Just give it some time.

As for the music, I know how it goes. I personally would love to hear some of your music because I go through the same thing - I go through writing phases where I think it’s the most amazing thing ever and then I go through lows where it feels like people couldn’t care less about it. What I will say is that it’s important to know that whenever you do something creative…people will not like it. That’s just a fact. It’s important to keep doing things like this, especially if it brings you joy. Lastly - I think I may have mentioned this to you before - just get your music out there. Keep showing people. getting no’s or even degrading comments suck, but It’s part of the process - I’m sure the guys from August Burns Red had to go through that…they probably still do. Keep rockin man!

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Hallos! Just because 1 person doesn’t like your music doesn’t mean no one does : D I bet there are a lot of people in the world that love the type of music you listen to. Just because he/she doesn’t like your music taste doesn’t mean she doesn’t like you as a friend. There’s more to being friends than music. Maybe you can discuss hobbies and see if there is a match in there somewhere. Having the fear of losing friends is quite a popular thought but you need to appreciate the moments with them instead of worrying about the future. I doubt you will have to worry about you losing them as I bet they think the same about you. Enjoy the moments : D

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Hello again metalskater! It’s great to hear from you.
I was thinking about the whole thing with your new friend and wanted to throw a few things out. I think it’s great that you found someone who you enjoy being around! I’m really glad that you found that. i think you should definitely steer clear of having anything romantic with her though. That can be really complicated and I can tell you know that’s not cool. You wouldnt want that to happen to you if she was your gf ya know?

Also, I am a musician and I regularly get people that don’t like my music. Just remember, a lot of people thought artists like the Beatles, Radiohead and David Bowie were nuts but they are legends now. Just stay persistent and practice every day. You got this.

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