My whole plan went so well! It’s just that my friend didn’t come so we couldn’t smoke. Other than that, I feel horribly lonely I think. I’m so dissociated from everything that it’s hard to pinpoint what I’m feeling at the moment. I know I don’t feel much dysphoria today which is good. Johnny was the only one there for me when I was incredibly scared during the weekend. Which is ok. I just wish I had a friend group like him. Then I’d not feel as lonely. And it’d be easier to work since in classes with my friends it’s easier to plan like “Ill spend a little time at the beginning of class with my friends then after I do this work then I’ll reward myself by seeing my friends a bit more” but if I don’t have the friends then it’s just like “I have no point in this. I’m just going to fail anyways”. The only exception is Math class since I love doing math work and my math teacher is very nice. I’m going to plan for the evening too so it’s solid. I also need to tell my therapist about what happened. Or I can just show her my messages which is kinda easier.
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Hey friend, just wanted to say I see you. I read your post. I don’t completely know what to say here, but I think talking to your therapist like you said about anything you’re feeling or going through is really good. Being open and honest with therapists is important. I am sorry that you are feeling lonely but Im glad that you didnt battle a lot of dysphoria. I know that can be hard. So that’s a victory!
Sending you love friend
- Kitty