Last night, my mom backhanded made a comment to suggest that she simply refuses to acknowledge my relationship with a woman (I’m also a woman). It wasn’t explicit, but it hurt all the same. I came out to them a couple months ago, and from the initial blow-up to me almost getting kicked out, I have been on survival mode at home and doing everything I can to maintain an okay relationship with my parents.
I understand that my parents are going through their own journey of understanding me and acceptance of their daughter, but the past has shown that they are stubborn in their ways and this is just blatant disrespect and insensitivity. My heart is just hurting and scared, and if anyone has any tips about how to move forward and continue to live my life, I would greatly appreciate it.
I love you all; thank you so much for walking with me on my journey, and allowing me to walk with in all of your’s.
First, I want to congratulate you for coming out. I know sometimes this isn’t easy - certainly not in your case.
It sounds like your experience coming out as lesbian paralleled my coming out as Atheist to my religious parents which was, oddly enough, a lot harder for them to accept (and still is) than the fact that I am bisexual. Many times they have berated me for my beliefs and told me to move to another country since I don’t believe in God.
One advantage I have though, is that I no longer live with my parents, and this is where I really feel for you. I think if you want things to be as smooth as possible, I wouldn’t expect them to miraculously accept your girlfriend. Rather, I think you should accept that they may never accept your girlfriend, and so it is probably not worth the effort for you to try to convince them. Some people are just so set in their ways that they refuse anyone/anything/behavior that doesn’t align with what they think, and it seems like that is the case with your mom.
Another thing I would say is, If you really love this girl, it doesn’t matter what your mom thinks. I’m sorry if that comes off as abrasive, but at the end of the days, this is your happiness you’re talking about. Be with your girlfriend, make your time together count and be happy. Feeling loved and happy with a significant other should never be something that needs to be validated by anyone else. You know you love her, I assume she loves you back, and that’s all that should matter.
I know this can be frustrating, but eventually you won’t be living with your mom and won’t have this feeling lingering around you and it will be easier. Until then, try not to force anything. Don’t bring your girlfriend up in conversation if it causes tension. Perhaps over time she will see how happy you are with your girlfriend, or maybe she won’t. Either way, I wish you the best in your relationship. Channel your hard work into that rather than trying to change people’s minds. The results will probably be better.
Thank you so much for your honest and empathetic reply @Sapphire, it truly means so much to me, and I really appreciate your detailed thoughts on the matter.
I think you’re right- I can’t sit around and wait for my mom/dad to come around. I have still have a life to live and I want to live it well. Also, I am so sorry your family has told you to move to another country! I have definitely heard my own family say the craziest of things as a result of my coming out…
In any case, thank you. Thank you for reminding me of the big picture and to keep pursuing and moving forward. I’ll be bookmarking this!
