Hi all. This is a question for the parents mainly.
So… basically I worry a lot. And with Kiera even moreso. I sometimes find it hard to not micromanage how my husband is around her because he doesnt get as much time with her as I do, I sometimes think I hear her crying at night and have to check the baby monitor to make sure my mind isnt tricking me. Last night I had a dream that she was missing, and thoughts have been entering my mind about what I would do if I lost her.
Her condition means she has a higher risk of cancer and heart conditions. Im hoping since weve gotten her treatment since she was diagnosed, her prognosis isnt as bad as it could be.
And I was thinking. A lot has happened in my life involving untimely death.
My miscarriage, if you want to count that, whereby I already kind of lost a child. My brother died when he was 16 in a car accident. My uncle died to suicide (up for debate) when he was 23. I know as well as anyone that tomorrow isnt ever guaranteed. I hate that I have these thoughts though.
It makes me scared to be as open as I can with Kiera. Because I know if I lose her I wont be able to handle it. I cried when my pet rats died… At the same time I know if I do hold back I am doing her a misservice and I wont be the mom I know I want to be.
Im just really confused by these thoughts and feelings and I was wondering if any other parents had these thoughts and how to you come to peace with them?
As a parent, you naturally worry about your children. Especially, if they have health/mental problems. Before my son was 8yrs old he had two surgeries. One was to fix his eyes and the other was to fix something that if left untreated could lead to cancer (he would kill me if I told you more). I spent a lot of time back then catastrophizing and it only led to stress and anxiety…it wasn’t a fun time.
He is 31 now and I still find myself worrying about him. I don’t think I’ll ever not worry about him to be honest. It comes along with being a parent.
I’m so sorry that you’ve experienced so much loss. No one knows what tomorrow will bring us so all you can do is try your best to keep your daughter safe and love her. You’re an awesome mother and I feel like she is going to be just fine. She has been doing soooo good! Celebrate her progress and watch her grow and become even stronger.
Yeah, parents worry. When kids reach a certain age, they rebel against the rules their parents established to minimize their worry. It probably happened the same way in pre-history.
My son did tons of stuff that had me super anxious. I finally adjusted to the idea that I couldn’t control his actions all the time, and I had to get used to the possibility of losing him. He’s finally stabilized and living a decent life, but I still worry about him because he has health problems. I don’t think it’s possible for decent parents to stop worrying. It seems to be more a matter of getting used to it, so the worry doesn’t interfere with the child’s development, or the parent’s adequate level of mental peace.
I’ve experienced a lot of loss recently, mostly not things I was worrying about, except for one thing that despite my best effort, couldn’t prevent. I’m still not ready to talk about it.
One thing that might help is to “bracket some time,” in which you say to yourself, “for the next (fill in the blank for amount of time), I won’t worry about anything.” I know it sounds a bit silly, but that approach can give the mind a much needed break.
It sounds like you really have good insight into your feelings and how they affect your thoughts on parenting. Kiera is very fortunate to have you for her mom.
First of all you don’t have to apologize for your post. We learn from the darkest things too. I don’t have children and can’t imagine the fear you are going through. I’m sure it’s blocking you, your thoughts regarding something bad might happen sure take up a lot of your mind. The personal stories you have been through related to death are devastating. In some way, I’m sure some of us have had a death-related experience that has traumatized us. Your daughter’s illness is one more barrier but none of it is unbreakable. If you look back, you may have been thinking for a long time that something was going to happen and, in reality, nothing did. Fear is inevitable, but it cannot rule us. How wonderful to live next to your daughter, isn’t it? Enjoy every second of it and let nothing stop you from doing so. In the future, she will benefit from your courage and will apply it to her life as well. All the best, S
Hello, I myself have 5 children and a always get thoughts about each and every one of them. I believe as a parent that what we do worry. Just last night my baby was sick. I had so many thoughts about what could happen. And nothing was going on with him but a stuffy nose. I think as mother we just worry about our children. I wake up and the middle of the nights sometimes and make sure they all are breathing.
Friend you are definitely not the only mom to have terrifying thoughts about your kids. The important thing is how you manage those fearful thoughts. We live in a dangerous world. My daughter is an elementary school teacher and has two school age daughters. Every senseless school shooting rocks her hard. Being a parent means dealing with all the things in your child’s life that are beyond your control while remaining calm and wise in what you can control. I pray and that helps me.