Mommafoxfire Fan #11

I’m struggling with a major shift in identity. I lost my job and am adjusting to being a new mom.

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Being a new mom is in itself a huge identity shift. I’m sorry that you lost your job. I hope something better comes along that will harmonize with your new role of motherhood. Changing identity is a natural and lifelong process, yet it can be rough when that change is forced upon you. Despite unforeseen circumstances and unwelcome changes, it is still possible to influence how those changes will affect your identity.

Your posting is titled “I don’t belong.” The thing is, the “I” that you are referring to no longer exists, as circumstances have opened up a different set of options, and decisions about how you will react to those changes. No doubt, you have already made some decisions, including those that determine how these changes will affect your basic nature.

You do belong, as evidenced by the fact that you are here. Your presence is even more important now that you are a new mom. There is something about motherhood that will eventually enable the new mom to find strength she didn’t realize that she had. It may take a bit of time, as your body chemistry is making adjustments, which can affect your mood, sleep patterns, and feelings of well-being.

Don’t try to be perfect! Being a new mom is challenging enough. Ask for help if you need it, even if it’s for counseling.

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From: Ash (Discord)

Oh boy I am so sorry you are struggling with this shifting in identities and such. First off I am so sorry you lost your job. Changing from working to no longer having that job can be majorly hard on someone. That loss of the income alone can change how you view yourself. That doesnt even account for the fact that you are a new mom of a child. Like that has to be hard. I like to see these identities as hats. We put on one for so long that when we finally are given a new one we have to get use to wearing it form it to fit what we need. I am sorry you are struggling with that. I personally have had to deal with this type of situation in going from being able to see more clearly to being told I am legally blind all the steps to learn how to be what was the new me. Its a big struggle but the outcome is what we dont realize it will be. So maybe you did loose your job but there is a reason for that there is a reason to help you in the long run. Perhaps it was so you can focus on this new mom piece to your life and you can become a good mom for your child. Dont let the idea of a new identity stop you from being who you are as best as it is fit for. It just means you are growing and adapting to a new set to life. Continue on and know that we are here for you hold fast.

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From: Micro (Discord)

Hey friend, thank you so much for posting and sharing what you’re going through. You mentioned two major changes in you life, and as you said, your identity. Being a mom in itself is a new role to handle for the rest of your life, and I can only imagine the stress that comes with it, also all the things you have to learn in a short amount of time. As for the job, our work is such a huge part of our identity. When we meet someone, one of the first things that are generally asked is to know what’s our job… My heart goes out to you, friend. I too have lost my job two years ago, and ever since covid has started I’ve been through a deep process of questioning who I am, what’s my purpose and what I’m doing in this life. It’s a deep, tough, but necessary process sometimes, especially during times of major transitions like these. It’s still important to take it easy and give ourselves grace through that process though. We can’t figure out everything in a second, just like we can’t grieve instantly what we lost. We are only human beings, so we learn and we thrive, as much as possible. If it can be of any comfort, know that there’s an army of people here who believe in you and your capacity to adapt during this difficult time. You are in the middle of the storm right now, but bits by bits, step by step, you’ll learn to find your way again, to build new habits and define your own identity. You are not less than yesterday, and you are without a doubt a wonderful mom already. Be gentle with yourself, as much as possible. The most important foundations in our life are built slowly, but you’ll get there! We’re rooting for you. :hrtlegolove:

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