Mommafoxfire Fan #14

I feel like I’ve lost who I am or who I am supposed to be. I have lost my identity, which I thought I had figured out. My therapist says to find something to focus on that isn’t work or responsibilities, but I can’t find a hobby I can stick with or that I’m interested in. I just feel lost.


Hey @MommaFoxFire

I am sorry you are going through such a hard time. Has anything specific happened recently that has caused this feeling or is it a build up of the over work and responsabilities that you mention? It certainly can be easy when you have so much on your plate to lose yourself in your everyday tasks, its like when you are a wife and mother you can forget who you were before, you can easily forget that you were this named individual before you were someones wife or someones mum. That can happen at work too, you are someones boss or someones employee or at worst just busy, stressed and tired. I think your therapist is right but it doesnt have to be a big thing, just find time for you, find quiet time that is about caring for yourself, self care is a wonderful way to spend time. long baths or showers, reading, maybe some meditation or yoga things that relax you and bring you back to who you are and give you time away from the stresses of work. I hope this is helpful to you. I wish you well. You deserve a break, you are worthy and loved. Lisalovesfeathers. x


When you knew who you were, who were you? Don’t worry about who you are “supposed to be,” except for what’s necessary to survive. Thinking about who you’re supposed to be, sounds like you’re dealing with a lot of expectations, people expecting you to fulfill roles that may not be a good fit, as things now stand.

Some roles can’t be changed, for example if you have to work. At home, you can change your routine a bit, which may help.

Are you on medication for depression?

As far as finding a hobby, just keep looking. Sometimes it helps to think about what interested you when you were a kid. I exercise, read and do puzzles. I also do projects around the house. Maybe it’s just easy to keep me occupied. My wife spends a lot of time in the yard and garden.

Who are you supposed to be? You’re supposed to be who you choose to be. It’s hard to choose in entirety who you are though, because you change over time. Maybe you’ve changed in ways you don’t quite understand yet. That would explain feeling out of touch with yourself.

Getting to know yourself is best done while in a relaxed state. You may want to consider some form of meditation. You can also get to know parts of yourself until a picture emerges. For example, “I’m a person who likes to cook scrambled eggs.” “Maybe there are other things I like to cook.” Maybe you like watching birds. I have a fountain, two bird baths and 3 feeders. I never get tired of watching them.

I hope you come to feel more grounded and in touch with yourself.

You might find this helpful:


From: ManekiNeko

it can be hard to find hobbies that suit you and that bring you some interest and joy. There’s some ideas online if you are interested in it, here’s a link of some ideas and I hope you find something you enjoy or something new and fun to try! 100+ Creative & Fun Hobbies to Try - Ultimate List 2023

keep us up to date about how you’re going and what you have been finding to do!


From: eloquentpetrichor

Hello again, mommafoxfire_fans! It’s lovely to hear from you. I’m sorry that you are struggling with your identity and with finding a new hobby

I think Wings idea of taking a personality test is a good one and then finding some hobbies that may suit people with that personality type. There are also different quizzes online that can tell you what hobbies may suit: Hobby Quiz: What Hobby Should You Have?

I hope you are able to find something that really suits you and makes you feel better about who you are. If you start trying some new things please feel free to come here and share how it is going. I know I would love to hear about the different things you try :hrtlegolove:


From: Rohini_868

Hi there,

“I feel like I’ve lost who I am or who I am supposed to be” Has there been any life changes that led to this? The exciting thing about losing a part of who we thought we were is discovering a new part of our selves. Maybe explore some the hobbies and activities you used to enjoy as a kid or did in school. Maybe it’s a totally new thing you’ve seen on youtube or seen online.

Who you’re supposed to be is not a stagnant or unchanging, and never growing. So maybe this is the growth period you’re experiencing in your personality! So explore new hobbies, new routines maybe, and see what it leads to!