Mommafoxfire Fan #8

Everything I do seems to just be a failure. Even if I think something was done right, there are flaws that are revealed by others immediately. I don’t even know why I try anymore.


Boy do I KNOW this feeling super well right now. I’ve been in the same headspace lately and have been leaning heavily on the community for support. First of all - THANK YOU for posting here and reaching out on the forum. Sometimes just talking about it can really be helpful and kind of a valve lets up by sharing. Second - it’s OK to not be perfect, but I know it sucks to feel like NOTHING you do is right. Can you pinpoint 2-3 things - even TINY things like winning a level of candy crush or remembering to take a vitamin 2 days in a row - that you can 100% call successes? That helps me a LOT on days where everything has gone to shit - arguing with myself or reaching out to others to argue with me about “but look at this that you do and hey you’re not a failure b/c you did this just the other day.” <3

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Idk about u but I still try bc its annoying to those ppl. They can say im wrong all they want but at least I try more than they do. Might not help u rn, but its what helps me usually.

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Hey friend,

I hear you. It’s really discouraging when people around you point out the flaws of your labor or the mistakes you did. It gives this feeling that all your efforts weren’t worth it… it basically invalidates everything else and place the focus on what’s wrong. And if you’re already very critic with yourself, this kind of feedback can open a door to a lot of negative thoughts.

Though, when we confront our reality to other’s, it can be important to keep in mind a few things:

  • What someone says about your work will never invalidate your efforts. All the energy and dedication you put in what you do is still here, regardless of the result, and that is something you can be PROUD of. You can’t fail when you try. Because you put yourself in a place of experience. From that experience, at best you learn. At worst… you learn. And ultimately, you keep growing.
  • We all have different perspectives and one doesn’t have to invalidate another. Maybe others standards are different. Maybe what is acceptable to you isn’t for someone else, but as they point it out, it becomes a problem to you as well. But should it be a problem? How do you feel about what you’ve done? How where you feeling before you received this feedback from others? Your own perception matters too - if not the most.
  • What is the relationship that you have with those people and what could be their intention? Is it to be mean? Or to help? Critic can be very positive and helpful, but it depends on how it’s expressed. Ultimately the things that you do are yours. And if others feedback can be precious to help you grow and learn, it doesn’t have to be an attack against your accomplishments and your goals - and you don’t have to make room for that kind of thought if that’s what happened.

Friend, you are not a failure. You’re trying, learning, growing. And maybe you’re also learning to be a friend to yourself, which can be a struggle in itself - and that’s okay. Don’t let others make you give up on the things that matter to you. You have a lot to share and experience in this world. :hrtlegolove:

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