My family is moving out of the house, sometime in the next couple of months. We’ve been cleaning and cleaning, and touching up the house before we put it on the market. They hope to move sometime after december. For unknown reasons, only now has my brain actually started to process what’s going on. I’ve spent two years of my time here alone, and in the past couple of months have i actually tried making friends. All for it to go away. I know this has happened before where i have had to move away from friends, and i think i’m slightly used to it. But when we first moved here, it was different. I wasn’t really socializing with people because I just didn’t see the point anymore. Over time, I slowly tried to get out more, and make friends. It was hard socializing with people, because I wasn’t used to it, but now I have a small group of friends that I hang out with quite often.
I just don’t know how to feel, knowing that it’s all going away…
This is what makes me so tired of living in this family. My father works in the military, so he has to be stationed in different places every couple of years. Which is good for him, because he gets a better salary and whatnot, and we all get health and insurance benefits, but it’s extremely stressful for the rest of us. My step-mother is constantly busy, and at times it feels like she’s killing herself over all of the work she’s doing. I’ve tried to help around the house, but my parents complain about how I don’t do a good job. I’ve tried to explain how I’m not in the best physical and mental condition to help, but that I wanted to contribute to the work. They then continued to talk and talk about how I was being selfish, and how I’m just being lazy and that all of it’s in my head. They said that all I think of is myself and that’s all it’s ever been.
It makes me feel like I’m a burden to them…
There might be a chance that I’ll be able to move back in with my biological mother, once we have moved, which is great. There is a problem with that though. She is currently not financially stable enough for me to move in with her, and she may not be for a while. I’m really stressed because I want to live with her instead of my current parents but it’s not possible. My parents are so limited and strict. They don’t let me express myself. I can’t be myself around them, but it’s a different story for my biological mother. She’s more accepting of me and my choices. She is more communicative and encouraging that we talk about topics like emotions and sexual topics because she wants her house to be a safe space without judgement. She lets me express myself and be myself without hiding it. She lives in a more friendly environment where I don’t have to worry about harassment and bullying as much as i do here.
I feel like all I can do is suffer and wait until I’m finally free…