Moving forward

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I made a post sometime back titled “Messaging someone online”. The person is now angry at me as I would ignore the messages as I think he keeps pushing me to do what he tells me and am afraid to open my phone to do anything. I have told my dad about it and he says to ignore them and wait for one of the Discord people to handle it as I have reported it to the Discord Trust and Security. My dad mentioned to block them until the people from Discord or to delete my account as a last resort. I don’t know if I did the right thing. Also, I don’t know if this is helpful, but one of the people is applying for a visa to come to the U.S. as the person has the money he wants to give me. He already has the visa, but the consulate won’t give it to him as we don’t have enough history. I need to give more money in order to have the history secure. I told him that I would not give any more money as I don’t want to make an overdraft on the bank account and that;s why he is angry that I am ignoring him. He says to trust him as we are so close to the finish line, but i don’t know.

Are there tips on how to be strong emotionally. This situation I got myself in has gotten me weak. When moving forward, recovering from this will be hard for me as handling finances has been tough for me.

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That’s a lousy situation to be in, but your Dad is right, cut the guy off. I don’t know that much about Discord, but I think once the guy is blocked, he won’t be able to find you. If you start another account, it may be like Facebook where he can find you through your friends. Not changing your account and having him blocked should make it so he can’t find you at all.

I think you have all the emotional strength you need, but this situation has you temporarily unnerved. Keep in mind, you have a right to choose who has access to you. You don’t deserve the stress this situation has caused.

I think there’s a lot of information on Google for handling finances. I’m pretty sure there’s a lot of instruction on Youtube as well.

Take care, Wings

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From: ManekiNeko

hey thanks for the update! So by the sounds you’ve already given this person money? I understand your confusion on the last post. Of course if it is a scam the person is going to say it’s not. He wouldn’t be a very good scammer if he told people he was scamming them.
My concern is that it’s odd to ask someone you don’t know for so much money and for so much support.
The thing is that if his family needs support, then there are organisations and charities that can aid and assist. It shouldn’t be your sole responsibility.
I understand the anxiety and fear that comes when thinking of someone being f angry with you, but I do believe it’s in your best interest to not communicate with this person, especially since the reports have already been made.
I got confused a little over them saying the consulate won’t give him a visa because he doesn’t have enough history with you? Or why giving more money would make history secure? That went over my head, sorry, but it just sounds like an excuse to ask for more from you than you already gave.

just keep your dad updated and in the loop. Block this person from contacting you. If you feel like you’re going to cave maybe you could even get your dad to delete your account or to even block this person so that you both know that it’s done.

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Hi there Ed,
I went back and also read your other posts from the “Messaging someone online” so I have a better understanding of the whole situation.
I get that this is very nerve wrecking, but this person puts you in a really bad situation. It was the right decision to report it to discord and I would strongly recommend to break off contact and to block the person like your father said. Just ignoring them and not answering might not be enough because they can still message you and you would read it and feel bad afterwards. It is not your responsibility to help another family not to become homeless. There are official channels and procedures for all of that. This persons sounds like a scammer and I would not believe anything they say.
Not weakness has gotten you into this situation, but your kind heart. You are emotionally strong. You just wanted to help, but sadly were exploited for your kindness.
I’m sure if you block the person and are not subjected to their anger any more, you will start to feel better.

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You are doing the right thing by saying no, by ignoring their messages, by talking to your dad about it and not staying alone with it. This person’s interest in only tied to money, and unfortunately their story is probably just a lie. People who manipulate like this for a living know how to use our own empathy at their own advantage. Your empathy is a true gift and a beautiful part of what makes you human. You are not weak or guilty of anything here. You are not to blame. It is this person who does, as their intentions and behaviors are absolutely wrong. This is not your fault. Keep ignoring them, and even block them, so there wouldn’t be any more temptation of being influenced by what they say. I’m proud of you for saying no and placing boundaries there. I promise you that doing this is about protecting yourself. You are not a monster for saying no. You are not a bad person. :hrtlegolove:

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How do I rebound or move forward with this? I don’t want this situation to be a burden on me for the rest of my life. Also, I get a feeling that the person might come back and that the police might come for me and that makes me afraid of my future. Am I overthinking things that they become too much for me to handle or is it just an irrational fear I have. Also, I’m feeling condemned as to making a huge mistake accepting the help from someone online and learned from my mistake the hard way.

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Not moving forward isn’t an option. You can’t help but do so. Right now you feel vulnerable to his manipulation, but you’re really in a strong position. If all he knows about you is your screen name, and you block him, what can he do? If you sent him money, did you let him have your address?

Why do you think the police would come for you? You can DM the answer, or you don’t need to answer either, but as far as I can tell, you’ve done nothing of interest to the police. If you tell this person not to come to your home, and he does, don’t answer the door. Instead call the police. He’ll be shipped back to his country, and it’s doubtful that he’ll ever be able to return to this one.

It’s natural to be anxious about a stranger that tries to approach you, even if you did have online dialogue. Feeling as though you can move forward will happen, but it may take some time. Make sure you’re safe. This person will give up sooner or later.

If you do communicate with him again, tell him you’ve moved to a different state. Say, “Well, I’m in Cincinnati now…”

What kind of help did you accept?

I don’t think there’s a person alive who hasn’t mistakenly trusted someone, or made a bad decision about them.

I think this individual has tried to take advantage of the fact that you’re a decent person. You’re still a decent person, even if you remove this person from your life. We have a right to choose who our friends are. If this person is trying to make you feel guilty, it’s clear evidence he cares more about manipulating you than he actually cares for you.

Do something to take your mind off the issue. Spend time with other people. Right now, it sounds like this issue is dominating your life, but it doesn’t have to. He doesn’t have the right to invade your mental space, so declare your freedom from his emotional blackmail.

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I think the situation is over, but I don’t want to be too sure as I still get phone calls, but ignore it. The Discord Trust and Safety team has launched an investigation concerning this situation. The account that I was dealing with the person is deleted and I blocked them on my phone as they got my phone number. I still get worried as to whether or not the person will visit me, but I have talked this with my dad and he reassures me as long as I didn’t give the address, its okay. I’m sorry I got everyone involved with this situation that I was in.

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There’s nothing to apologize for. We’re here to help.

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Thank you so much for sharing these updates, @Ed495. There’s indeed no apologies necessary. You’ve been experiencing something very stressful, if not distressing, and this forum is exactly here to make sure that we are not alone during such time.

I’m proud of you for connecting with Discord T&S Team and for taking to your dad about all of this. He is right about the address – there’s no risk these people would come to your home. With time, this fear should lessen little by little. You’ve done what was right by removing them from your life and online environment. I hope you can start to find some more peace now. :hrtlegolove:

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I echo @Micro and thank you for the update. I might be wrong but I think I’m detecting some degree of shame over getting yourself in this situation. And I agree with others who have posted here that it was in fact a very beautiful and kind heart that led you into this situation. It seems to me that almost everyone with a soft and loving heart gets taken advantage of at some point.

Shame or embarrassment really don’t apply here. A more appropriate response is grief that there are people who think nothing of exploiting and lying

Please don’t let your heart grow hard or cold. Just help people through good organizations instead of trying to help on your own.

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I don’t know why I keep holding on and thinking about this situation. I have blocked him in every content I have communicated with him, yet the memories still come back and try to haunt me. I talked to my dad about this and he said that it is past me and that I should focus on the future and to relax. This is not a serious thing for me, but it would occasionally come up in my mind when I’m at work or at home and I would get worried. For example, when a car would drive through the neighborhood, I would think that the car would park outside the house where I live at and the person would show up. I don’t know how to let go and move forward

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You’re probably going to have some anxiety for awhile, because this was a big scare. It’s a lesson learned and I hope that you don’t get caught up in something like this again.

To be honest, you prob weren’t the only one this person was trying to scam and you were probably forgotten once you stopped talking and blocked him. To him, you’re not worth the effort anymore and they have prob moved on. This is pretty common with people who scam. You’re just $$ to them and when that’s cut off, they move to their next victim.

I can understand why you are paranoid that they will show up, but in all reality… they just wanted your money and it’s probably too much effort for them to try to find you. Chances are they don’t even live in the states anyway.

I think you can breathe now and move on with your life. :hrtlegolove:

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Why do I still feel bad about this, like I have done something wrong? I still have worries about this as I received an email two or three weeks ago from an agency saying that they want to know what I have spent on in the past month, but haven’t heard back. I don’t know if it was spam email, as it had some grammatical errors. Now I’m afraid that the people from the agency might come to my house and take me away and I constantly look out the window to see if any cars are parked on the driveway. Am I overthinking this?

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Hey, thanks for the update. I’m sorry this is still causing a lot of stress for you. You haven’t done anything wrong, you were being wronged. Perhaps it was a mistake to engage with the other person, but that still doesn’t make it your fault.

Maybe if you get an email from anyone you could ask your dad to also look over it so you feel a bit safer that someone else has taken a fresh look over it to be safe?

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Like @ManekiNeko has suggested, if you are not 100% sure, ask your father. You should NEVER give personal information to anyone unless you’ve confirmed they are who they say they are. For example…If you get an email from your phone company and they ask for personal information, look up their phone number from their website and call to verify it’s real. A lot of scam emails ask you to click their button or call the number they have listed and those just lead you to the bad guys.

Please be careful. Maybe you can do some reading about the different scams and how to protect yourself.

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I can’t seem to let go of this. When I refused to give the person money, he would say that the effort and all the money would be wasted. I got into some serious situation with the person like he was put in jail two times and his mom was in the hospital because he told his family that I would not give him any more money. It makes me upset when thinking about this, even though it’s over.

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It is understable to be upset about all of this. However, I would like to encourage you to ask yourself: do you have any proof of any of that, or is it only what he told you? There is very very high possibility, given everything that you have shared before, that this is only manipulation and lies. You refuse to give money, then suddenly he brought up plenty of justifications to play with your empathy, to make you feel like you would have to help him.

None of this is your fault. This person made his own decisions in life and could have not tried to get money from strangers like this. You are not responsible of the life decisions he made. <3

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I don’t know if this will help but it might.

A close friend of mine wrote me a very negative text almost two years ago. I was devastated especially because she claimed the words came from the lord. I had put her on a pedestal because she was a very mature DChristian who regularly heard from God with great accuracy. The text split my very soul and despite realizing she was writing in anger not faith I can’t seem to let it go. I haven’t had any contact with her since then but I still hear her biting words.

I tell you this just because when a word or still hear her words even now.that’s how deep the spear went. Your situation is different but your soul was injured as mine was.

Be very kind to yourself. Pray for God to heal and protect you. Have faith this will eventually be in the rear view window and you will be free as you move forward

Blessings to you! :pray::pray::pray:

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It sounds like you’re being caught in a scam situation. I would block contact immediately. Since it sounds like you have sent him money, I would contact your bank about this possibly being fraudulent. I agree with the points everyone else made, but you definitely need to stop all contact with this guy. He sounds like bad news to a T.