I am a college student in a small town and I’m 20 years old, my boyfriend and I have been dating for over 3 years now, and we want to move in together for many reasons (it’s cheaper, we feel ready for it, etc). His mom is supportive of the idea, and I have no idea how to tell my parents. My parents are very strict roman catholics, and the idea of me moving in with him while I am unmarried is unthinkable to them. I need to tell them sometime soon because this is a sure thing, and I really don’t want to be cut off from my parents. My brother had this same issue when he moved in with his girlfriend, and didn’t tell my parents until they were already living together… That is not how I want this to go… I want to be respectful and clear. I just have no idea how.
It’s hard. It’s uncomfortable. There is no avoiding that, there’s no sugar coating it, you’ll just have to tell them. The key word there is tell, don’t ask if it’s okay, because you know what that answer will be. There are people twice your age who move in together with less forethought and wisdom, who move in together because “well…I mean…” You’ve been with him a long time, you seem to have thought this through, you’ve made your decision and you get to own it without being beholden to anyone. You’re right, being straightforward and honest is braver and more mature than doing it and just letting it be. Just one word of caution, if they’re supporting you financially they may hold that over your head. Good luck, I hope it goes well, and I hope your future with him is blessed.
I agree with @SheetMetalHead it is it about informing them, not asking them. And of course you can do that respectfully, as smooth as possible. Just be honest. Speak with your heart. Maybe they’ll need to hear that you understand them, their worries, to hear that you’re gonna be okay.
Just don’t forget that you don’t have to justify your choices. This is your life, your decisions. Maybe they won’t have the reaction you’d like at first, maybe they will need some time to understand. It’s okay. In every relationship, there’s a limit when others reactions are not depending on you anymore.
I don’t know if you talked to them already, but if it’s the case, I hope everything went well for everyone and your parents were understanding.
And P.S. It may not be what they wanted for you, and they may get upset, but they still love you and I don’t think that’ll change. I don’t know how things eventually settled out with your brother, but in time they ought to come to terms with the fact that you’re an adult capable of making mature, thought-out decisions and they’ll resume their relationship with you as their daughter. If they hold this against this you shortcoming, it’s their problem, not yours.
For what it’s worth, I was raised Catholic. Neither I nor my siblings go to Catholic church anymore, my wife and I are the only ones that go to church at all, and we just started going 6 months ago. What’s more, we all moved in with our SOs after we got engaged but months before we got married. My parents said that those were things they had to come to terms with, things they wished we’d chosen differently, but that we were still their kids and those things didn’t change who we were as people.
hey. I was in a similar situation when I wanted to move to another country for a job + moving in with my girlfriend. I was sure my mother was going to perceive it as a selfish act of leaving the family alone, my gf’s advice helped me and here it is. you should speak about your plans to your parents from the position of incredible excitement, joy and happiness. tell them how happy you are to make this happen, how you’re looking forward to move in with your boyfriend and how it feels like a dream coming true. despite all their worries, at the end of the day what your parents want for you deep down is to be happy. and if they see that this is what’s gonna make you truly happy – they will accept it and support you. there might be some sort of a short shock stage, but eventually, it will work out. live the life that you’re dreaming of and don’t let nobody’s opinion dictate your lifestyle. you don’t wanna end up realizing you’ve been living someone else’s life instead of yours. make yourself happy first, this is the priority. good luck!
Hi to anyone who has replied! I hope you guys see this~
I ended up signing a lease with my boyfriend last Friday, and I told my parents the day before. My dad was the most okay with it, I think he saw it coming. He was more concerned about the safety of the neighborhood, cleanliness of the building, etc. My mom, however, still hasn’t talked to me about it at all, but she’s talked to me about other things… My brother told me that she said something along the lines of “too heartbroken to respond. It’s not my opinion it’s a fact because God says so.” To be fair I saw something dramatic like this coming, our relationship has always been strained.
I want to thank you all so much for commenting with your advice! Without the encouragement I’m really not sure what I would’ve done.
Thanks for letting us know!
I’m sorry your mom wasn’t more comprehensive, even though it makes sense to her. I hope time will help, as she’ll see you being happy.
Congratulations! And wishing the best to your boyfriend and you!