Moving to another country and leaving senior mom alone

I’ve moved to a different country and left my mom behind. She’s living on her own and she’s already a senior. She can handle things on her own, but she’s getting older. To be honest, she’s not the easiest person to get along with. She’s often angry, upset, and narcissist.

Sometimes, when I give her a call, all she does is complain about life – how tough things are for her and how lonely she feels. But, you know, she’s the kind of person that most people wouldn’t really want to be around.

I keep doubting whether I did the right thing by leaving her there. She doesn’t really need my help, but somehow she manages to make me feel guilty every single time. I don’t want to give up on my own dreams just to be there for her, especially when she doesn’t seem grateful for anything. It’s a really challenging spot to be in. Any advice, or good words?


I know it hard to leave a mom behind, but honestly I think it good to follow your dreams. She should not make you feel guilty, and control you like that. No one has to control, not even family.

My mom is give up her life for my grandmother, get nothing in return. My grandma is asshole to my mom and it a abusive relationship. It cause drama for my family and destroyed my mom mental health.

You have right to live your life, don’t feel guilty about it. Worst case you can always vist her and it can still call her.

Fellow your dreams and live life


It’s hard to have such a complex relationship with your mom. It sounds like she centers herself instead of asking about how you’re doing, feeling, or even considering your perspective. It makes sense why you feel she’s selfish.
I can imagine how it may feel like you’re abandoning or betraying her by leaving her behind. I can also see how your experiences of her making you feel guilty or guilt tripping you has led you to feel conflicted about leaving her in a different country.
But I think it’s important that you have some independence from her and live the life you want to live. A healthy bond with a parent can look like a balance of communication and freedom. Please know that you deserve a life where you can strive towards achieving your dreams.


Hi there @gaeee,

Thank you for sharing this with us. It sounds frustrating to be around your mom, and it’s understandable that you’d feel conflicted about moving away from her.

In my personal opinion, as long as your mom can live safely on her own, there’s nothing wrong with moving and doing what you want to do with your life! Ultimately, you are your own person and – while family dynamics can be complicated – it’s okay to do what feels good for you.

I also can empathize with your mom, and it sounds like some of this difficulty in moving away is that you can empathize with her too, as it would be challenging and lonely to live alone as a senior citizen. With that said, it isn’t your responsibility to do any more (or any less) than you’d like for her. You certainly can help her if you want (e.g., by calling her or trying to find activities she can participate in), but this isn’t your job/responsibility and it’s understandable that you may not want to do these things, particularly because it sounds like you may feel frustrated or disrespected when you spent time talking to her.

You’re a good person and it’s okay for your to be away from your mom. I know this is a challenging situation; moving away from family can be hard! I hope you know that it’s okay to feel conflicted/hurt/worried (or happy!) as you figure out this chapter of your life.

I want to take a moment to thank you, once more, for sharing. Please don’t hesitate to follow up or make another post if anything is on your mind; we’re here for you.

<3 Tuna