My abusive father has convid

[Mystoryisntover]

On August 13 I broke my phone so I haven’t been on social media for weeks and today I just brought a new phone first thing I get is a message from a few of my family member saying that my abusive father has convid and is very unwell

Is it wrong for me wish death upon him? He physical and Mentally abused me his dealth would relief so much then again I dont anyone to died I’m also mad at my family for even telling me (they know I want nothing to do with him) I feel so emotional

[Metalskater1990]

It okay to have mix feelings about, cause it hard to be relate to someone that abusive. Family can be very complicated, and family can cuase you the most pain.

Having those feelings doesn’t make you a bad person. Also, having a disease does not redem someone sin. Cuase we all going get sick sooner or later.

I don’t think you want dad to die, I just think you feel that he did mess to you and it okay not to forgive him for that.

In addition, you may not wish him to die. But you might feeling relive that don’t deal with him anymore.

[Lisalovesfeathers]

Hi, thank you for posting and I’m so sorry that you find yourself in this situation.
The feelings you have are completely understandable and as @Metalskater1990 says that in no way makes you a bad person, you are a person with feelings and emotions responding to another person who has treated you very poorly and that is ok.

My only suggestion similar to what Metalskater said again is to try to keep a little perspective on your feelings for yoursef mainly for when you are less in the moment.
Please don’t be too annoyed with your family, it is so hard to know what to do for the best at times like this, people always want to “make things right” and its not always possible or fixable but it wont stop people trying.

I truly hope you find some peace in all of this and the past is put to rest. You have found a space here where you are welcome anytime and you have support and a community of friends.
Much Love
Lisa

[Micro]

Hey @Mystoryisntover,

As our friends said, it’s understandable to have mixed feelings in such situations. Wishing somehow the death of someone who abused you is the reflection of your pain. That doesn’t make you a bad person, but someone who is hurting and who learned about something that triggered this deep pain.

Many times I’ve thought about the time when my mother will pass away. She was abusive as well and I don’t talk to her anymore. I think about it not as a wish, but more like wondering how I am going to react and feel about it. I know there will be some very mixed emotions, between pain and anger, and not a lot of space for love or affection. When an injustice happened to us or to someone we love and there was no restoration afterwards, we feel that reality in our guts. Even more generally, I can tell that my thoughts for my mom were not always full of sparkles and buterflies. It always depend on where I am on my own healing, which can feel like going through cycles sometimes.

Feeling emotional after learning about those news is absolutely valid and understandable. Be gentle and patient with yourself while you are processing it. These are some very raw emotions and your heart is just looking after a way to let them exist.

I’m sending lots of hugs your way. You are not alone, friend. We’re standing by your side.

[Sita]

Please don’t be hard on yourself. In this situation, sometimes it’s not even that you’re wishing them dead, but rather wishing for a permanent end to the fear/trauma/memories. That you said it would bring you relief is key, for me. You’re not wishing him bad, You’re wishing well for yourself! Just keep away, and focus on your wellbeing and health. Wishing you well, friend!