I have had a recent set of accomplishments that mean a lot for my life, yet I feel nothing about it. I got accepted into my dream college and also got a 64 thousand dollar scholarship upon receiving my acceptance letter. Yet, it never made me feel good. I didn’t feel happy. I didn’t get excited. I just kinda shrugged it off and it felt like nothing.
I’m completing my final classes early and getting them done, yet I don’t feel like it’s enough. I’m so frustrated, shouldn’t I be feeling anything??
It’s my 18th birthday, and I’m an adult. I don’t like the thought, adulthood is scary, and if I can’t find joy in the accomplishments in life I worry for my mental health in the future.
First of all, congrats on your scholarship, it’s quite an accomplishment! I’m so proud of you.
Let’s hope that you are just in shock and in a couple days it will hit you and you’ll be jumping for joy.
On the mental health side, not finding joy in things you used to or normally would is a core symptom of depression and is called Anhedonia. I’m not diagnosing you, but it is a symptom. People who are on the schizophrenia spectrum experience this as well.
For me, it is frustrating and it feels uncomfortable and confusing. I’ve learned to just accept it and not try to figure it out, cuz I can’t.
It’s been a while. I’ve been accepted since February.
I’ve been diagnosed with depression and I haven’t had a therapist in a long time. Waiting on one but there are none available in my area for months. It sucks.
Happy birthday! It’s been an eventful few months for you! Huge congrats on getting in to your dream college, I know you mentioned how much it meant to you in previous posts. I hope that you use that acceptance to realize that they really liked your work and portfolio, and congrats on the scholarship too!
How have you been feeling? Being 18 and a legal adult is a whole new ballgame for sure. We’ll be here for you as you go through it. Maybe your new school with have a counselor you can talk with, to help you settle in and voice any conserns you have. You worked so hard to get in, maybe you’re a big mentally drained after all that effort. Is there anything you can do for fun (trip to the beach, hiking, painting, tea and movies, etc) you can do to help you unwind and just give your body and brain a moment to just rest and reset?
First off, congrats on getting accepted into your dream college & your scholarship. I hope you know that isn’t a small feat & you should be incredibly proud of what you have done so far. I know for me that when I reached a goal that I had set & was working towards for a while, I wasn’t really excited once I reached it. I think it comes from how we are always chasing the next thing. For me, it was pursuing a relationship…but how does that evolve? We chase marriage, then we chase kids, then we chase something else…and the cycle continues. One of the best things is to find joy in the present moment.
Maybe for you, that might be signing up for classes in the fall. Maybe for you, that’s planning something exciting to look forward to doing in the summer. Create moments when you can relax & take a break from all of the hard work that you have been doing lately. There is no shame in doing something you enjoy.
Chase joy. Chase sunshine. Chase laughter. Chase new friendships. Chase new hobbies. Chase peace.
You are amazing. You are valid. You are wonderful. You are enough. You matter.
thank you for sharing this update, my friend. and happy 18th birthday! although there is numbness to these accomplishments, i do want us both to recognize the effort and hard work that was put into being accepted into your dream college and earning that huge scholarship. i’m proud of you for what you’ve achieved but i know it came with a large price: your feelings. while i don’t know your full situation, i can only make guesses based on my own experience at 18 years old. i received a scholarship for around the same amount, was accepted into a dream program for what i thought i wanted to do with my life. that semester, i ended up almost burning an outdoor chapel down (extinguished quickly once i snapped out of it when the fire began to spread), sleeping outside most nights or just not sleeping at all. i felt lost, burnt out, and knowing deep down i didn’t know what i truly wanted. you aren’t alone in feeling this way. you don’t need to feel any way other than what your heart and mind feel, no matter what expectations others put on you.
with the work you’ve put in to get your final classes done early, could burnout be something you’re facing? is the uncertainty of the future something that weighs you down? i’m here always if you want to chat further about it, just tag me @ twixremix and i’ll reply to any thoughts or questions you have. you’re going to be okay and you’re going to get through this. i promise you that. hope to hear from you soon!
First of all, congratulations on your accomplishments, and Happy Birthday! What you’ve achieved so far is worth celebrating! Getting into dream college, landing a scholarship, and completing classes early absolutely deserves applause!
I think I understand where you are coming from right now. When I was at that point in my life, I was both excited and terrified of what was coming. But also I kept feeling like what I had achieved wasn’t quite enough yet. Like it was just another step to the next thing I had to achieve. I couldn’t let myself take pride or joy in what I had already achieved… because there was the next step ahead of me. But at the time, I didn’t realize that. All I knew is that I didn’t really feel pride or joy in what I was doing/accomplishing… I was just doing it. Maybe that isn’t the same of what you are going through now, but it’s something I did.
Take time for yourself. Talk to friends and family, and see if your can find a counselor/therapist near you that you like. You deserve to feel joy in what you are accomplishing. Let’s see if we can help get ya there.
You are doing so well in knowing what you want to do with your life and having passion for it. Honestly, I don’t know if you know how incredibly amazing it is that you have that gift. And clearly others see that passion and potential in you which is how you managed to get such an amazing scholarship. Could it be that your excitement is warring with your fear of not living up to those expectations and they are sort of cancelling each other out to the point you feel almost nothing? That always happens to me during big life changes. It’s like your emotions and feelings don’t know what to do in a given moment so they just kind of… stop. How are you doing now? Do you feel any different?
And, yes, being an adult is scary and technically you are one now but a lot of times in college you aren’t fully treated like an adult because they seem to know the truth that a number and age isn’t what truly makes someone an adult. It is experience, wisdom, knowledge, and the willingness to question yourself and whether or not you are ready to be an adult.
I think you will be okay and I think college with be an amazing experience for you and you will learn so much. Go out there and chase some butterflies and chase your dreams. You are awesome at what you do. Keep being you
Hey HMM. I wish I had something illuminating to tell you, but I just want to say I understand. I didn’t feel joy over my college acceptance or scholarship. I didn’t really feel joy for an accomplishment until I proposed to my wife at the age of 30. Like Mystrose said, anhedonia is a big symptom of depression, but I always took that to mean lack of joy in the little things. I think pragmatic people are less prone to joy since they look at everything logically, but that might just be projection. In any case, congrats on the scholarship! That’s huge!
On that note, I want to ask you honestly, how do you feel about the idea of going away to college? I always said I was beyond excited because that’s what people expected to hear, but I was apprehensive and burned out. Just want to check in because I think it’s an important question for people like us.
