I’m just tired of everything. My anxiety is just getting worse and worse over time.
I was barely like this a few years ago. I’m even having trouble speaking to strangers in shops asking for help for something. I’m constantly afraid of being awkward but I try so hard to hide it. I’ve never had a job yet and this is why I feel scared for applying.
I always think I’ll mess something up badly no matter how simple it is. I rarely even go out for walks anymore or play basketball like I used to even though I wasn’t good. Things I like are started to feel less fun now. I’m always thinking about how I’m not really special at anything to people. I’m just there.
I’ve lost all my confidence. I just miss the old days when I didn’t have social anxiety at all. I tend to give up easily A LOT now. I pretty much know all the events that caused me to feel this way and to just hate myself. Every negative thing I’ve heard about me is probably just true and what I assume they’re thinking. I personally don’t know anyone to talk to that won’t think I’m just being a coward. They’ll just say my problems aren’t “real problems” and compare my problems to theirs. Nobody notices and I’m trying my hardest to hide it.
Every day is just an endless cycle. I’m just fed up of life. I don’t know what to do anymore.
I have become super anxious lately. Now I’m at a point where I don’t remember the last time I woke up without my heart beating so fast just pushing against me chest to burst out. Like you said, I too was not like this before. So I have been spending time to go over past events in my life that has caused this change in me, that has caused my anxiety to get worse. Have you tried to go over past events too to find out what the root cause is for your anxiety? I wish I had a solution for you but I too am fighting my anxiety and trying to lead a more productive life. But listing the cause at least gives me hope that one day I can fix it. There is hope friend there has to be.
Gold I am so glad that you sharing all of this here is a safe space and you matter. I know it is hard to fight the thoughts and fight that social anxiety. I dont know what triggered it but I will say that personally for me as of late it has been hard to get out of my home because I am so use to the safety of home that space is mine I know what should or shouldnt happen I know if something is out of order or wrong. But let me say this it is also freeing to step out and do something. Right now for me personally I am setting a goal of once a week to try and either go out with a friend or hang out with someone close to me. My best friend and I do a lot of things together and it is very fun to have someone like that. We need to constantly adjust to the world around us but you arent any different than the rest of us. Each person has something about them that makes stuff harder. Personally I sometimes just say I have got to grab the bull by the horns and push through things. I dont know if you have considered trying to become more social in ways of like online taking baby steps to being more social in a way that maybe makes it less of a pressure than you can go from there. Perhaps consider the idea of taking a walk once a week or going to play basketball. The negative talk in your mind is your anxiety keeping you where you are. You arent those thoughts those negative words. As a kid a book was read to me about a village of puppets these puppets would but dots and stars on the other puppets and one puppet was constantly always given dots and had no stars. At the end of the book the puppet learned that its not what others say or do that define us we get to pick what defines us. So perhaps start finding things in yourself you love about you.
Hey there Gold! Good to have you here again! Anxiety is a pit, and a very deep one that’s hard to get out of. But it’s not impossible to find footholds to keep out of the water. I’m sorry that it’s affected your everyday life so much, that’s definitely the hardest part of it all; losing the motivation to do the things you enjoyed before. Your problems aren’t fake in any way, and they deserve to be heard and taken care of properly. If you haven’t already, I could recommend reaching out to a professional about it. They could help you work through some of the issues you’re going through right now, and help get all those fears off your chest. In the meantime, take everyday as it comes, don’t worry too much about the future, as the future is something that can worry about itself. Don’t let the future rob you of the present. It’s kind’ve one of those “there’s always a silver lining” type things, you just gotta find it. If possible, try and get yourself outside, do something you enjoy, even for a short amount of time each day. Take baby steps and you’ll get there just fine. Surround yourself with people you appreciate and who appreciate you, and don’t let the intrusive thoughts change who you are! You are so much stronger than them, even if you don’t know it yet. You got this Gold! We love and appreciate you tons!