I’ve been friends with her since 2021. She is one year older than me and this year she got into high school while I’m still in junior high school. Since then, she always talks about the things she does, about her friends and the “cool” stuff they do. She always talks about how she and her friends got drunk, about smoking and hanging out with other girls (that she hates). Also she always acts like she’s introvert but whenever she sees someone she knows she talks for hours and forgets about me. I’m happy she’s having fun but I feel understated. Whenever I talk about my life she seems bored and sometimes she even acts like it’s unbelievable I’m not doing “crazy and cool” stuff like her. For example, I once told her that I don’t have a phone with me in school because it’s forbidden and she started talking about how they (her and her classmates) are always on their phones even during lesson. They weird thing here is that in my age she also didn’t bring her phone in school. Sometimes I hate myself for feeling jealously and I know it’s normal to change during high school. But I can’t stand feeling that understated and that my life is so boring compared to hers. I don’t really need a advice btw I just wanted to talk about it with someone because I really love her and I don’t want to lose her…
Thank you for sharing with us, I do hope that things simmer down between you and your friend.
People go through phases so hopefully this phase will develop into more awareness on her part.
In the mean time I hope you take care of yourself. Feel free to share updates if you like to or to just talk if you need
Hey I know how troubling it can be when your friends start to change. Many people change themselves to try and fit in throughout their school years. You don’t have to change with her if you don’t want to. Embrace the things you two have always enjoyed doing together and hopefully she will continue to cherish your friendship as much as you do. You are a valuable person and deserve her continued friendship. Good luck holding onto her
We see you and hear you! You sound like an awesome friend who cares and I hope everything works out for you because you matter and are deserving!
Look, you do you; let her do her; and enjoy the things you have in common. Part of any relationship is allowing change and flexibility! (Not advice: just reminder) Hang in there.
Im sorry that you are feeling understated around your best friend, im sure it can feel frustrating and even a little annoying, a year can be huge when you are in in between schools. I am sure when you move up next year all this will become a distant memory. take care. Lisa x
really glad you can lean on this forum to share what’s on your heart and mind. it’s always tough when you share things about your day/life and are met with disinterest. when it comes to first starting high school, things are so new and different than what you’re experiencing in middle school. kids sorta act more grown-up than they are at this stage in life. i hope y’all can find equal ground again soon! wishing you a great end to your semester and a nice summer break ahead!
Hi there @slayyy,
It’s so difficult when those around us change and jealousy really is a beast, particularly when it doesn’t feel like you are valued in the way you deserve.
I know how easy it is to turn jealousy into self-hatred – I’ve been there – and it really is a double-whammy. Feeling jealous alone is hard; jealousy paired with resentment for oneself is just that much tougher. Remember that it’s okay to be jealous; everyone feels that way sometimes and, while it hurts, it’s perfectly natural to feel that way.
A lot of things like drinking, smoking, etc, seem exciting when you haven’t engaged with them, but the reality isn’t as amazing as you may imagine. Perhaps the bragging rights really should go to you for not having engaged with these.
Thank you again for sharing. If anything more is on your mind, we’re here for you – please don’t hesitate to reach out.
Those are the kinds of things that someone does when they’re unhappy and trying to fill a hole. Maybe she felt lonely and bored and they’re giving her a rush, or maybe she felt invisible and is doing those things to say “look at me!” When she brags to you about drinking and smoking and breaking rules, she’s looking for you to validate that she’s cool and edgy. She’s still empty, still searching for approval she’s not getting somewhere else, still trying to impress people (you).
She’s on a bad road. I know that sounds like some preachy parent stuff, but I’m not just talking about her choices. The more alarming thing is why she’s making them. She started making self destructive choices for the attention, the cool points, the rush, or something else. When the thrill wears off, when those things go from being edgy to just part of the routine, she’ll still feel empty, only then she may feel worse for making those choices. Two things may carry her further down the road: looking to reignite the rush, or saying “fuck it” and running toward self-destruction because she thinks she’s ruined herself.
Hopefully she’ll come to her senses, realize she’s gotten things backward, and try to turn her life around. Her best chance for that is to have positive influences around her. This is where it gets dicey for you. You’re the kind of caring friend who she can turn to when she wants to turn her life around, and it would be priceless for her to have you when she reaches that vulnerable state. However, you need to take care of yourself and your emotional needs first. You can’t pour from an empty cup–you can’t be a good friend if you don’t have anything to give. If hearing about her escapades makes you feel worse about yourself, you would be best off making some space between you. That doesn’t mean write her off, but don’t listen to her telling you all the “cool” stuff she’s doing.
Look into a concept called “letting go with love.” It’s the best way friends and family can get emotional freedom from loved ones with addictions. It’s also an extremely fine balancing act, and really difficult. The idea is basically saying “I love you and I’ll be here for you when you want to talk about what’s going on or need support, but I can’t keep you involved in my life because you’re crushing me.” It’s setting firm boundaries without telling her to screw off. It’s something you need to be ready to do–if you do it because I suggested it, you won’t feel good about it and it will backfire. You may want to talk to your counselor about it, because it’s something most people need professional guidance on, and the whole situation is sticky anyhow.
I hate hearing that your friend is getting pulled into a destructive lifestyle, and that you feel like you might be missing out. Always stay true to yourself. If you do what you know is good, you won’t get lost trying to find something that feels good.
hey guys… first of all I’m really thankful for your replies, I really appreciate it<3 Recently, I feel she is getting bored of me. She hasn’t shown me any sign, but I just see how fun she’s having with her friend group and I feel jealously because I don’t think I can make her happy and cheerful like that… I know she loves me, and I love her too, but something is off in my eyes. I’m way too scared to lose her because she always was with me but I don’t really know what to do. I feel I’m not good enough for her because she never seems to have fun with me…