My body is attacking itself to cope with death

So… I’ve always known that during times of extreme stress and emotion, my body starts to attack itself, making me ill with extreme flu symptoms. It always has for as long as I remember… During exam periods, Christmas and even just busy periods at work.

On Friday, as people know we had to take my baby to the vet to be put to sleep. It was the worst day of my life, I’ve never felt pain like it. Ever since Friday night, I’ve felt my physical health start to decline rapidly, even though I’m continuing to eat, take my meds and all the other things I should be doing. I’ve even been drinking more water than normal because fizzy drinks like coca cola started to burn my throat. I’m trying everything to get better, but, it just won’t budge.

Up until now, I thought this was a “normal” way of coping with stress… That changed last night though. I started thinking about how scared I am about actually getting better from feeling ill, because, I won’t have getting healthy again to worry about - instead, I’ll be feeling the pain emotion around losing my baby… Those thoughts are what made me realise that, my body attacking itself, is most likely a defence tactic that my brain has trained itself into as a way to avoid facing those stressful/painful things, because normally, by the time I’m healthy again, that thing is over and I no longer have to worry about them…

Meanwhile, my family are rapidly moving through the stages of grief already, but I’m still in denial. I convince myself that when I wake up from sleeping whether it be at night or through the day, that I’ll wake up and he’ll be downstairs waiting for me. That, when I get home from work, he’s going to be there. All I can picture is the way he had to physically drag him out the door because he just wouldn’t walk… It’s heartbreaking. I know that none of you can tell me how to grieve, or how to handle the stages… However… Any advice around how to overcome the fear of having to face this when I’m healthy again, or how to maybe try and start to help myself keep these flu symptoms minimal when extreme stress/emotion comes into my life?

Thanks guys…

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Hello Kayla. I’m so sorry to see your going through so much pain and suffering I know what it is to lose a pet you love and cared for. I still miss my pet duck Garfy from the 80s he was my best friend.

Forgive me for asking but have you thought about making lifestyle changes to your diet? I’m a nutritionist and I know when people are under extreme stress you don’t take care of yourself and the immune system gets depressed causing a lot of problems.

I would like to make some suggestions to you if that’s ok?

Much Love Miss Kayla