My boyfriend cheated?

So I’ve been with him for over a year, we’ve had ups and downs but I’d say we were really happy and content together, we are quite young and do long distance in between university’s.
About five months ago we had a rough patch after he ended it with me and we got back together, and there was one incident where he told me a girl was messaging him asking about a mutual friend and I got upset as I saw the messages on her end as flirting (they ended with x’s). Anyway things managed to go back to normal after an abortion in February, in those two months I was very focused on myself and very hormonal and probably not being the best girlfriend even though I was never bad. Things have since gone back to great and he was staying at my house when I went through his phone (bad I know but I had just learnt that a close couple to me had broken up over 25 years because of a text affair).
So I looked in his phone and after a not so thorough search I found like two messages in between him and this very pretty girl, he had send her some pictures of himself and she complimented him and he complimented one of hers.
These were from February the same time right before we managed to get back on track , I threw him out and said that we are over.
He’s saying this was an isolated incident where he just needed a confidence boost and that it’s not cheating because it happened very briefly and nothing physical happened, I’m not sure what to think about it anymore. Can anyone tell me what they think?

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If they are just pictures it shouldn’t be that much to worry about but then again he shouldn’t have compliment her and isolation is not a reason in my opinion especially if he’s with you. If he needed anything he should have came to you. and really he shouldn’t be messaging other girls or complimenting them because thats just wrong. i think you should try talking to him about messaging and complimenting other girls try asking how he would feel if you said those thinks to a really cute guy and kept it form him. I would suggest to try to talk it out before anything else serious happens, but it is always up to you. And if you have anymore problems im hereeeee i’ve had recent boyfriend problems to so.

Thank you so much for replying it’s so refreshing to hear someone else’s point of view, I asked him if he would end it in the same situation he said he would be mad but he would get over it since I would have never met him and the texting was over two days,
Am I an idiot for talking to him about this though??

No of course not i mean like they say “a realtionship is about communication” and especially if you do want to have a relationship with him for a while then no it is great that you were able to talk about it and that he let you get your feelings out in the first place

Do you think there can be trust there? Idk what I believe anymore, do you think it could really be isolated to that incident

Well it will definitly take time but yes there could be, can i ask if the last reason you ended things was in anyways related or what it was? and in my opinion no i dont think it could be related to the isolation cuz if anything he shoulda came to you not some one he has never met.

Last time we ended things was because we were having a hard time with long distance

Oh i see but do you think you will be able to trust him?

That’s where I’m really confused as it’s only been a few days and I haven’t been sleeping or thinking properly, and now I’m confused as to wheather it was even cheating and worth a breakup over…
thank you for listening

I think you should atleast try to work it out that way if it does end you won’t question your self and say you shoulda did something. Also just to see if it does get better, but no matter what happens it’s not your fault and your welcome im always here :purple_heart::upside_down_face:

Could you clarify the timeline, had he ended it with you and then talked to the girl prior to getting back together with you? If he was not with you at the time it is not cheating. He probably should have talked to you about it but at the time he may not have wanted to crush any chance of the new relationship.

I cannot speak to if her messages were flirting while talking about the mutual friend, however men tend to be very dense around subtle flirting. He may not see it as flirting but were his responses?
Having someone flirt with you is not a crime but how you handle it is the difference. If he just kept on track with the chat and didn’t flirt then it is fine.

May I ask, have you received counselling after the abortion? Was it fully your own choice to take this action? There is obviously nothing wrong with an abortion but if there was any pressure around it then you may need to work through that.

I completely agree with Love here, I do find messaging someone else while just getting back with you a bit shady but then again it wasn’t cheating, and like love said we would need more context. Also the fact he didn’t delete the messages from the phone makes me think he’s not trying to hide anything from you. I think it sounds all above board although on the line but i would keep my eye out in future for anything but not let it hinder your relationship. obsessing over something that might not even be there is worse than if it was there.

From: dariandaotter

Heya Beni! I am SO sorry you went through this, know that all of us in the OtterFam is here for you! Love you!

For one, I can tell right off the bat that there is no trust there. You don’t trust him, because you went through his phone. The lack of trust right there, should be enough to confirm that you shouldn’t be together.
Even if you decided that it wasn’t actually cheating, and that the flirting or whatever that he did with some girl was innocent and harmless, the trust is gone and it would be hard to build back up.
It’s not worth it to be in a relationship with someone where no trust exists.

He obviously didn’t respect you by interacting with that girl, so I don’t think this is worth your time and energy.