This is just my brain being stupid I’m sure but like I’m not a bad daughter for not wanting to go with my mom and aunt to the cheesecake factory right ? Like I don’t particularly enjoy either as company but like I know I need to get out more but like why would I wanna do that with people who I don’t like being around but yet I feel like shit for saying no to going out.
Sounds like you don’t like saying no to people. It’s okay to say no. Don’t let guilt make you feel like shit about it. Perhaps you need to get out more, but you need options that you can actually enjoy. Frankly, I’d find the Cheesecake Factory really depressing too.
I don’t think there’s anything wrong with saying no to going out with people when your brain isn’t in the right place to be around them. It’s about self preservation and boundaries.
Hey friend. You’re not a bad daughter or even a bad person for saying “no”. No is a valid response in any circumstance. It completely makes sense to feel guilty about it – and maybe this is something new for you/something quite challenging, to say no? I myself have a long-term tendency to say “yes” to way too many things because I just want others to feel good, and always fear that a no would be taken as an overall rejection of who they are. While really, knowing your limits and needs AND expressing them is absolutely healthy. It sounds like this decision could be an opportunity for you to learn and experience the fact that saying no to requests like these doesn’t make you a bad person, doesn’t change anything about who you are, and is actually a way to honor/respect yourself. Even though your family may want you to be with them, I’m sure that if the question was asked to them, they would prefer knowing that you feel good in your life rather than doing things you feel pressured to.
From @lunxaire (03/21/2023 8:19 PM):
It is perfectly rational to not want to be around people that make you unhappy. You’re not a bad daughter or niece for wanting to be around people that bring you down at all. If you’d like to get out more, besides getting ahold of friends… why not go to a public space like a park, cafe, or library and spend some free time? Join a club? I did these when I was younger and it helped me out tremendously with getting some fresh air and a change of scenery. Getting out means just what it sounds like. Get yourself outside and go on a nice walk with some music. Sit down, and just enjoy your surroundings. Hope this helps.
We all have the right to say no to something we don’t want to do, it doesn’t make you a bad daughter, and you shouldn’t feel so down on yourself. It is perfectly natural not to want to spend time with people whose company we don’t enjoy. Don’t feel you must say yes to things to please others.
It is, however, promising you can acknowledge you need to get out more; try and say yes to things you know you will enjoy.