You know those people who you are aware don’t like you? My brother has made it no real secret that he doesn’t necessarily like me all that much. And usually I’m okay with it. I can tolerate the things he says to and about me. For some reason though, today I can’t. Some days I really struggle to accept myself, but at least I try. He’s always had opinions about me and who I am and my appearance.
In no way do I hate or resent my brother, that’s not what I intend, nor do I think he’s a bad person. I think he just feels he’s on a higher social and intellectual level than myself and perhaps our family. Most of the time I can take what people say and think about me. I usually have a pretty good awareness of those who don’t like me and can manage to minimise interaction when possible, but when it comes from someone you used to look up to and someone who you thought could have cared about you at some stage it has a different sting to it. I know I need to get it together and refocus on what is important, and I will get there, it’s just been a little bit more of a process this week.
Hey there. I know how it feels like to hear such awful words from your brother. I have been there like two hours ago, but trust me that it will get better. Try to ignore those words although I know it’s not really possible. Every time I hear those words from his mouth, I just try to kinda black out and turn off my head, my mind and hearing. I’m just sitting there and doing nothing. I’ve told him a lot of times that I don’t like how he talks about me, but when I saw that it was all in vain, I just stopped. Our parents also did nothing so I just had to find my own methods.
Also, when I go to my room or just to a different place than the one he is in, I just tell myself that everything will be okay, that I will find my own joy someday, that I accept myself and that is everything that counts and that I trust that God hasn’t forgotten about me and that He’ll make my life better.
I hope this helps in a way. If you ever need to talk, feel free to message me. Good luck and I hope only the best happens to you. Cheer up! 
Hey @e.thehuman,
That sounds awful. I’m really sorry your brother said those things about you. If it’s been like this for a long time and if you’ve bottled up what he said to you, then it really makes sense to reach a point when you can’t tolerate that anymore. It sounds that you’re really trying to understand his behavior though, which is all to your credit.
I don’t know how it is between you two precisely, but if it comes from a feeling of being superior in some way, then I hope you’ll manage to talk about it together and find a way to solve the problem. This kind of dynamic can be pretty destructive in the long run and just create an unhealthy way to look at each other. Sometimes people are not aware of how they behave and they need others to remind them, in a loving way, that their behavior can have a negative impact. And as much as it can be scary to have this kind of conversation, it also holds the potential of producing some very positive outcomes - even if, ultimately, you can’t control your brother’s reaction or behavior.
In any case, I hope you keep in mind that what he says isn’t about you, but him. It’s definitely not a reflection of who you are, and if diminishing others is for him a way to grow himself, then that’s just sad. You, on your end, are beautiful as you are. The people we look up to can hurt us and disappoint us, but please never forget that they don’t hold the truth about ourselves. What matters is how you feel and what’s on your heart. And from what I see through your post, it’s pretty thoughtful, caring and amazing. 
I hope you’ll feel a little better in times to come. Hope you can shift your focus on things that fulfill your heart in a positive way. Take care, friend.
I think I can get sensitive at times. He doesn’t mean harm, but every now and again it sucks.
I also think he doesn’t realise what my mother has suffered as a child and thinks it’s funny to tease her and her family for things that they suffer as consequences. As in my mother’s poor hearing ect… he doesn’t realise it’s from abuse. And she feels he doesn’t deserve to know because of the behaviour he displays. (Displays as in everything can be passed as a joke)
My mother also recognises the behaviour she displayed towards me as a child and I try to console her about it because she’s not that person anymore. But I’d be lying if I said it doesn’t affect me every now and again. We both have changed. I’m an adult and can deal with things. As a child I couldn’t understand.
To me being different was always a huge part of how I was seen and presented. So now that I’m
Oder a lot of People accept that and love that. People didn’t when I was younger because it was unheard of. My weird self soothing habits or my weird sense of style. Being labelled as emo or suicidal meant something to me because even though I may have felt suicidal tendencies it wasn’t a trend. It was something that needed to be dealt with that nobody cared to deal with.
My initial reaction is to always put people in their place and be the smartest or the wittiest in the room. Even if that means hurting people, and now I’m starting to realise I can survive like that. (Pushing people away to save myself from being hurt first)
And I don’t know if my brother feels the same because he never talks about stuff like that. He’s always been positive and happy. He’s always mocked me for my feelings.
Edit: when I say he’s mocked me for my feelings I mean being a little weird emo kid. He very much saved my life once and I don’t want anyone to think poorly of him.
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