Hello, my name is Tyler and I’m currently a senior in High School. Throughout middle school and High school I have struggled with social anxiety and shyness and because of that I’ve had a really hard time making friends. Because of this I have had several years of depression and loneliness. I am finally getting good at making friends and talking to people so now I’m not as lonely as I used to be. But now, I have a new problem that I need help with. I recently made a new friend who turned out to be a complete jerk. He is a popular kid and all the girls love him for some odd reason. He thinks he’s helping me by constantly trying to get girls to date me, but they all reject me by calling me things like fugly or just his ugly friend. The worst part is he constantly reminds me that I am “ugly” or as he puts it a 4/10. Because of the reminders of my looks not being great I have dived back into my depression and I’m scared. I don’t want to go back but I’m headed down that road again. I don’t have the courage to cut this “friend” out of my life which frustrates the hell out of me. I need some advice on how to get this “friend” out of my life and gain a little confidence even though I know I’m not very cute. By the way this “friend” is in 5 of my 8 classes so this could get messy. Because of the constant reminders of my unattractiveness I am terrified that I’ll spend my life alone. There is some hope though. I have a friend who is a girl (which doesn’t happen often) she is very funny and nice and I really like her but because of me thinking I’m ugly I can’t bring myself to tell her how I feel. I know she likes to hangout with me and she often comes up to me during school to talk. My “friend” doesn’t like her and told me she’s ugly which blew my mind cause she’s my crush and all. She’s never had a boyfriend but she is very social and most people like her. Honestly I’ve never felt this way about a girl which also scares me and my “friend” trying to keep me away from her doesn’t help. I truly feel happy and relaxed when I’m with her and I feel like I can be myself. If you have any advice on what I should do please tell me cause I’m lost right now.
I was the fat girl in high school. No one wanted to date me, but I pulled myself up on the fact that my personality isn’t trash like others. My qualities would work on the dating perspective when I was older. And here I am, 24 and having dated quite a number of guys.
I once got cyberbullied by a girl of my high school, she’d leave mean remarks on my profile pictures. After some time I decided to private message her and I just said “I don’t know what I did to you to behave like that against me. But whatever it is, I am sorry. Please stop this bullying” and that actually worked.
I think your ‘friend’ needs to hear something along the lines of that. Tell him that you don’t need a constant reminder that you are ugly (which I btw doubt). Tell him that such behaviour is not nice, that you’d like him to stop hooking you up with girls. If he doesn’t listen to that, then I suggest you take further action.
On part of this girl… it’s really hard to tell the difference between someone liking you back and someone just being a friendly person. (I had countless crushes when i was a teenager just because a guy smiled or said something to me, with my mind going crazy like “omg he said good morning so he cares about me and wants to know more about my life. He’s into me”) Confessing love can really make things awkward. I suggest you make really sure she likes you before you talk up about it. And in the meantime you can just enjoy her company
Awwwwe. I promise you, you are not as ugly as you think you are. Nobody ever really is. You could really do anything you want to. You seem incredible and I’m sure any girl would be lucky to have you. As for your friend, you need to get away from him. He is toxic and will only ruin all the progress you’ve made. You don’t want that to happen. Focus on yourself, not people who don’t like you. You are amazing and beautiful and unique in your own way. Please don’t let a bunch of highschoolers put unworthiness in your head. YOU ARE WORTHY! Tell that girl how you feel. If you like her, nobody’s opinion matters more than your own. Go for what makes you happy even if pushes people away. If people don’t like your decisions and can’t support them, they shouldn’t be privileged to be a part of your life anyway. We’re all rooting for you!
Oh my God, that brings me back. If I could do high school again.
First off, although I could never see anything objectively wrong with myself in the mirror, I felt ugly because girls wouldn’t talk to me. There had to be something wrong with me, I just knew it.
Second, and you’ve got me beat on this one, I didn’t look around at all the perfectly wonderful girls that were available, open, sweet, kind, and cute. I was focused on the hot girls, because I didn’t want to be the guy in my peer group dating the ugly chicks. It’s not that black and white, pretty or ugly, and in the grand scheme of life looks only get you so far anyhow. Visit a nursing home and try to figure out who was hot or ugly. But I digress.
I’ve had a lot of really low points in my life going back to middle school, but with some honest soul searching I have to say that my only regrets are the things I didn’t do. I regret not talking to girls in high school because I didn’t think I was attractive enough, and I regret not talking to girls because I was afraid they weren’t hot enough to win my friends’ approval. I really really really regret those two things.
As for your crush, I personally never had much luck with sharing my feelings. Life is not a romcom, you don’t open your heart to the girl of your dreams and she instantly falls in love with you and everyone lives happily ever after. But all is not lost. Just ask her out for coffee sometime, “just because.” Coffee is a thing friends do to talk and relax in a no-pressure situation, and as a bonus, psychologists say holding something warm helps form positive associations with a situation If she says no, that tells you everything you need to know, and I promise that getting turned down for coffee won’t ruin your life or make you the laughingstock of the school. If she wants to go, then just talk. Don’t look at the clock, just let the time roll by and enjoy the moment. Chances are she will too. Let the bond build. Then do it again and again and again. This is not advice, purely anecdotal, but I’ve found a good way to end a first date is to offhandedly say “That was fun. We should do it again sometime.” Get to know her, let her get to know you, and eventually you won’t need to gush your feelings because they’ll just be present.
Finally, your “friend” is not your friend. You’re like a puppy dog to him. You’re his pity project, his ugly duckling. He thinks he’s going to redeem you, and then you’ll be forever grateful and everyone will talk about how he got you laid when you never had a chance yourself. Does it feel right when he pressures you into going out with the “right” girls? Be authentic, be true to yourself, do what you want to do. You’re a worthwhile person just the way you are. Fuck that guy, and he can shove his opinions about your lady friend up his ass.
Awe Tyler! We’re so happy for you! Remember, whenever and however you decide to tell him, you’re doing the right thing!
In a closed environment like high school, especially when you share 5 classes with him, like you said it’ll be tough. But maybe just “grow apart.” It happens in life. Don’t seek him out, don’t hang out, just drift away. It may be difficult, especially if he engages you, but it’s worth a shot to just become more aloof. If he loses interest he’ll move on.
Awesome. Happy you’re having these good experiences ^^