My Cup is finally about to be empty

HeartSupport Support
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Hey folks,

I’ve been unemployed 6 months and it just ran out, I have $1.63 in the bank, and now I’m sitting here without food in the house, and no presents under the tree for my kids, and bills looming over my head, and I don’t honestly know how much longer I can keep my hope up, and put on a strong face. I’ve done SO well in keeping my head up over the last six months, but I cant do it anymore, I cant pretend that tomorrow is going to be sunny after six months of days like this.

Not in the “Im having thoughts of self harm” sense, but in the “why even bother trying” sense. Since December of last year, I have put in well over 200+ applications, resumes, etc… and have had an interview here and there but no traction, and it feels like there must be something wrong with ME at this point. Like I know I have the skills, I have a resume full of awards in customer service, sales, and marketing, but I have no idea what it is that is sabotaging me for work, and now it’s to the point that my family and everything we’ve worked for is going to get very adversely effected.

To be honest, I feel like a failure. I know I’ve been trying as hard as I can. I even applied to jobs outside of my fields just to find SOMETHING. Even if I got a job tomorrow, I wouldnt even seen a check until after Christmas, and would still have to figure out how to just sustain in the interim.

The main part of all of this anguish and frustration is how its effecting my family both financially and mentally. I can tell my wifes patience is running super thin, and if I was just me, by myself, I could survive easily. I’ve done it before, but with it effecting my family its what turns my anxiety to 11.

I no longer have any idea what to do, no idea how to find a job, no idea how to not completely and utterly drown both in bills, what my family needs, and in my own head.

I turn 35 in two weeks, and its like… it’s not supposed to be like this. Not as a matter of “I’m supposed to be in a specific part of my life” but at 35 I shouldnt be sitting here panicking all the time because I’m apparently unemployable.

Also as an added bonus, I have a hunger headache because I’ve had… two slices of toast… today.

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Dear ZHH

I can hear how hard you’re trying and how frustrated you are. A lot of these things are out of your control so please don’t blame yourself. Keep applying. Don’t stop.

You’ve probably thought of ways to change things and that’s a great start. But there are more options out there so keep searching. I think for me this was the hardest part. Things got to the point where I felt like giving up. But I realized that as much as it hurt, as down as I was, I simply could not stop.

I don’t know how old your kids are, but there are many organizations, community centres and churches in my area that provide free Christmas gifts to children. Check in your area to see what’s available. Like me, you may have tough times but when things turn around, you’ll pay it forward.

My family had one Christmas where things were really tight. I admit, as a child I was not happy and felt like it was unfair. But as I got older, I realized 3 things. First, I was entitled. I thought gifts were things I should get because life owed me. I later apologized to my parents for being that way. They understood. Second, I never, ever take even the smallest gift for granted. I learned gratitude. Finally, I realized that when I had enough, it was time to pay it forward with no expectation of accolades or acknowledgement. In fact, anonymous donating and gifting is a joy.

Your children will get something this Christmas. Perhaps something from an organization or friend. But hopefully they will get more than that out of this experience.

Your kids will see you pull through this. You can do it. Take any help you can and keep going. I wish you the best and hope things become more stable.

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so soory man it must be so hard plus you have kids and a wife. if you can u should sign up for wefair then atleast you so money to work with until u get a job very sorry

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Yo Jay, so sorry man. I wish I could offer more than my prayers and hopes. My family is almost the same position. My wife lost her job in April. The unemployment ran out. Many resumes have gone out with little to no response. I have some coming in from my freelance but not much. I so totally get the tendency to want to self blame. I know of many people who are highly skilled and finding it difficult to get work. It’s not you. It’s the market. There are factors going on in the market that are impacting the conventional ways we used to find work. Sending resumes out like before only works very infrequently. Knowing a person in the company is almost mandatory. Do you have a workforce center near you that helps with job finding and or placement? The only thing I can pass on, that I use each day, is “do my best today.” If I’m feeling beat down that “best” might only be a few things or just doing what I must to keep my mood going but at least I commit to doing my “best” for that moment. Much love friend. Keep moving forward.

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Hi friend.

I’m so sorry for all of the pain and struggle you are facing right now. That’s so hard. I can only imagine how awful it must feel to not be able to do the things you’d like to due to things not working out.

I know that not a lot of what I can say can help your situation or be an aid where you need. But you have a friend. We are very close in age. I’m 34 and I often face feeling like a failure and stress because things aren’t working out and I’m barely scraping by.

I see you around sometimes but haven’t had a chance to really get to know you yet. If you ever just want to reach out, my DM are open to you. I understand if you aren’t comfortable with that right now, but the offer is there.

I’m sending you so much love right now and I hope and pray that some sort of resolve finds its way to you. So you can have a sense of relief.

Stay strong my friend.