my dad seems to blame me for our relationship he says i don’t wanna try and i just wanna live with my mom and it’s true but he doesnt wanna realize that he is the problem he is the reason why i want to leave.i feel so weird if we have a good weekend together because if we have a nice time i feel so bad wanting to leave but he has caused me so much pain.he has said sorry but only when he was asked to he didn’t decide on his own to apologize to me.he hasn’t been yelling at me this weekend with him but it’s still awkward i feel like he is kinda ignoring me i definitely haven’t been trying to be close to him lately but it still feels weird i don’t know what to do im only 13 and i have to be 14 to leave his house for good but i don’t know if i can hold on that long.i have been cutting myself lately and not telling my mom because i don’t wanna cause her more stress i feel like i’m losing myself.
Hi Fynn - thank you so much for posting here for support. It takes a lot to put your feelings into words and even more to share those words with others. I’ve had to explain something to my kids lately that I think fits here as well: you can be happy about one thing and still sad/upset/angry at another thing at the same time. Being happy in one situation doesn’t negate the pain you’re in over the situation as a whole. I would absolutely encourage you to talk to your mom, and I would definitely suggest talking to a mental health professional or counselor at your school to help support you through all of this! As a mom, I would absolutely want to know if my child were in pain in any way… I hope your mom is the same way and willing to listen and get you what you need to heal from the inside out!
From: mr_tib
Hey Fynn, Parents just don’t understand things that we go through. do your best to communicate respectfully and try not to turn words into an argument. I can tell that you’re going through a really hard time right now, I just hope that you will remain careful, and stand for what you think is right.
i opend up to my mom i feel alot better my mom is very supportive and loving i do have a therapist who knows about my situation
That’s truly awesome @fynn. So proud of you for reaching out and taming your fears. It’s really good to hear that your mom is supportive and you’re seeing a therapist. 
Your relationship is obviously your dad’s fault, not yours.
And here are 30 reasons why you should stay alive:
- You have a mother who loves you. The hardest thing for a mother is to lose a child. Especially if that child takes their own life. You need to keep persevering until you can be with her.
- You can make a difference to other people, who can make a difference to the whole world, and you can say encouraging, informing, redirecting, and inspiring things that can save people’s lives.
You are loved, you matter, and you can change the world. - you have a painful past, so you can empathise with people. You are probably powerful enough to lift someone from the dark side.
- You have a purpose, which is being an amazing person because you are.
You have empathy, and you don’t want to hurt anyone. You’re a better person than a normal person.
That’s a reason to be alive. You are more morrally stron than the average person.
I know there is much more to you than even I know. You need to keep going, keep perservering, there is no reason fro you to die, no matter how much pain you are in because your pain will shape you and make you stronger and be able to help people. - You have a sister. I know what it’s like to be a sister who loses a sibling, even though I didn’t actually lose her, because she had a near death experiance and I though she was dead, and it was unbearable pain. I wanted to commit suicide, but I didn’t because my Mom and my other Sister and my Dad still loved me. Even one loving person is enough that you should live.
- You are helping people. You have a golden heart and you are caring and inspiring and no one has the right to treat you like trash at all because you are such a good person and I can just tell by what you say here.
- You are a sentient being who is not a mass murderer. You deserve to live because the only people who truly deserve to die are people who bring pain to others and nothing else, and do it on purpose for fun. You are not like that.
- People who get tortured should still not die. Even if you are being tortured, we can see a light of hope there for you, however far it may be.
- It isn’t worth it to die. It would bring more pain than it would take, and you couldn’t find any peace. You’d die worrying, which is not the right way.
- There are potential friends for you in the universe.
- You do have will power. If you reverse your strong will in the other direction than suicide, then you can push through.
- There are many people out there, but you are unique.
I know the stuff I say just sounds like what everybody else says, but I truly mean this.
13: I read this on a website. I didn’t just send the link to the website because I didn’t agree with everything it said. It said, “emotions aren’t permanent,” but that is not nessecarily true.
But ther person wrote this:
Many people dealing with suicidal thoughts believe life lacks meaning or see themselves as a burden.
Perhaps you live with physical or mental health symptoms that affect your quality of life. Or maybe you have a hard time recognizing what’s gone right — or even well — in your life.
Giving up can feel easier when life seems pointless. But just as pain keeps you from seeing solutions, it can also pull the joy and significance from the things that used to matter.
Your life does have meaning, though. Challenge yourself to discover this meaning — or create it for yourself. It may not be large or earth-shattering, but it’s still there. Consider skills, abilities, and other things you take pride in. Think about your connections with others or goals you once had.
Maybe you’ve always wanted to ride a horse, take a road trip, or visit the desert. Or perhaps there’s a book or music album you’ve been waiting for, or even another season of your favorite show. No reason is too small.
Pets provide meaning, too. My cat was one of the main reasons I never fully gave up, and it wasn’t just because he made my days a bit brighter. I worried about what would happen to him if I died, since it’s not always easy to find good homes for senior cats with health issues and behavior quirks.
It won’t fix your relationship with your dad to kill yourself.
15.
You have dreams at night, everyone actually does. Everybody has dreams that are awesome and
those dreams should stay in your head, to where they can come back and be inspiring. It is worse than Deleting the Awesomest in Every Spot that it is Kept, than to kill yourself. If the music that is The Awesomest to me got deleted, from every spot it exists, exept my head, when I’d begin slowly forgetting, never able to remake…
I can’ even explain.
16. I can tell you have suicidal ideation, but you know it, killing yourself wouldn’t be the end. There’d be more there on earth that you’d be leaving behind, that you couldn’t take with you, that you couldn’t have any control over, and sometimes, I just realised, even going to sleep, not having control over some things… even worse if it was Death… it’ s just devastaing.
17. I know I’ve dreamed about meeting you on Heartsupport before, and that is weird.
I know that must mean something. I consider it a reason for you to live because it probably means your’e special or something like that.
18; You are very smart, not even I could have thought of the fact that that person who had told their friend on a new account they hated them , was someone who couldn’t be trusted.
19. As soon as I saw your profile, a very oddly familiar smell came to me.
Also you are not corrupt. Being not corrupt is one of the best things a person can be.
20. I’m sure you still have questions, and curiosity, and you must keep that. Spread you curiosity to others to be inspiring.
21. You are inspiring. I have not even though about that word in months until today, I saw the things you had said and realized that that was the perfect word to describe you.
22. I want to be your friend.
23. I know it would be hard for you to listen to these reason I’m listing, but I’m saying these things from the heart.
24. I know you Understand something that most people don’t. You could make them Understand.
25. Something I can tell you is, instead of focusing on committing suicide, focus on the steps away from it(this helped somebody who survived being suicidal.)
26. Complete peace isn’t real, so even though you wouldn’t be comepletely at peace once you are 14 and living with you Mom, it is still the right.
27. When people are feeling suicaidal, they "feel icky. " There are ways to overcome ickieness. It has to do with Defiance and it has to do with Time. I know that if you can hold on long enough to get to when you are 14 and live with your Mom, which I know that that will be a very extremely long time, that once it happens, the ickieness will end.
28: The next reason I can think of has no words.
It had to do with thinking in pictures and the impulse in Humans that have Goood Hearts to Protect Others.
29: You Can be Loved Just the way you Are and I mean JUST THE WAY YOU ARE.
30.Your brain doesn’t need to change personality.
I saw about your fear of nooses… I totally understand the way those types of fears work,
but there is this film that has a noose in it that I think you should see:
Sometimes you have to watch things with that type of your fears in it.
I will share mine too:
Also the way you are ignored by your father reminds me of a feeling I can’t explain that happened to someone i know and I really really want to be freinds with you.
thank you so much you have no idea how much this comment means to me nobody has ever done that to me i just saw this and im so happy its so lovely to meet a nice person i would love to be freinds to thank you so much i cant tell you how much this means to me to hear this thank you truly.
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