My dad is a hoarder.
I still vaguely remember from when I was really young that the house used to be clean but this was a really long time ago. My sister who is only a year younger doesn’t remember it at all.
At some point my dad started hoarding stuff. At first it didn’t have a big impact, but as time went by friends/family would visit less often until the point that nobody visited us anymore.
I don’t remember much about how it was before high school except that i was bullied by my former best friend in the last year of middle school.
The first year of high school I was constantly daydreaming which made me feel amazing, but this came to a sudden stop in the second year. After this my mental health went downhill because living with the junk in the house became harder and harder for me to handle. My dad’s stuff was even in my room.
School and video games are a great distraction from the bad things but it’s not always enough. During the vacations I sometimes went out with friends, but for the most part I was in my room playing video games. Because I’m constantly home during summer vacations it made me feel horrible. During the vacation after my last year of high school the only thing I looked forward to was that I would have a dorm I would be at during the week. I thought back then it would be the end of feeling bad, but sadly I was wrong. Although it gave me a boost, it started going downhill again after a while.
During my first year of uni I was able to get all of my dad’s stuff out of my room which felt very liberating.
Even when i’m at my dorm I still have days I can’t sleep or cry myself to sleep because I start thinking about home. Coming home during the weekend also always brings me down. The worst are still vacations, a week vacation can ruin the next week and I still feel horrible for weeks after summer vacations.
I’m also really worried about my mom. She tries to stay strong but I notice she’s not doing well either. Although i will be out of the house in a few years, she will possible live here her whole life. She doesn’t deserve this.
Our house is pretty big but feels small because everywhere is stuff except for the narrow paths around the house. My room and the toilet are the only rooms left with nothing of my dad. In the garden we have 2 big sheds completely filled with his stuff and he has made a small tent to put even more things.
My mom has tried for as long it was a problem to get my dad to clean the house. We have all tried our best to get him to clean but nothing helps. He promises a lot that he will clean, but almost never does it. Most of the time he just takes stuff from one place and move it somewhere else and after awhile he fills it with new things. Sometimes he throws some things away, but i have the feeling he does it because he doesn’t have much space left to put down the new things he gets. I also got everyone to sit down together to talk about it and talk about getting therapy. The moment I mentioned seeing a therapist he got really defensive and started blaming us instead. He was still pissed at me a week later just for suggesting it.
I don’t know what to do about it and it takes a big toll on my and probably also my moms and sisters mental health.
In the past few weeks I have had a few days I felt good again, this week I even had 2 of them (but i did cry when going to sleep on most of them). I only get these days after something really nice happens, but they give me a little hope.
Thanks for reading this, I really needed a place to vent.