I confronted him before and I really wanted to forgive him and that he would change. My brother just sent me snapshots of his conversation with this woman again. And my anger and feeling of betrayal burns more than a thousand suns.
The last time, he tried to avoid apologizing to mother. He said sorry to me but always tiptoed around being genuine with her. I knew something was wrong but I didn’t want to see it. I didn’t want my intuition to be right.
I feel like hitting him over and over again. The worse part is that the girl also has a husband and children. I’m sick, so sick. I wanted everything to be fine. There’s this series on Netflix i’m watching with my dad. We both love the anime but now I feel like I can’t have fun with him anymore. He betrayed me, he betrayed our family. I want to hurt him so bad.
He was never a bad person but he hit me where it hurt the most. Betrayal is the worst pain to me, being abandoned was my biggest fear growing up. To think that he loves a stranger more than me breaks my heart. He was my bestfriend and he lied to me.
I am sorry that this is happening in your family, betrayal is a dreadful thing I agree but I will be honest with you, this is now between your parents, it is not for you and your brother to be dealing with.
I do understand your anger with your Dad but both he and your Mum and grown ups and are in a marriage and need to deal with it in their own way and it should not involve you or your brother for exactly the reason you are posting. This should not be affecting you. Now clearly you found out so you knew but that should have been an end to it. Your Dad is your dad, he has betrayed your Mum and the belief in a perfect family and that hurts greatly but he is your dad and is and still can be a great dad to you, I am so sorry you found out what you did about him but your mums husband did that, not your dad. I know it all sounds a bit harsh but I am telling you this from experience.
Much Love Lisa
Amaris, Im sorry I had to just come back to this reply as I have been feeling a little bad for being so harsh with you and I wanted to say that from all that I said I do understand your upset and you have every right to be upset, I should have made that clear, me saying it wasnt about you does not take away how hurt or upset you feel, for me its about protecting your future once you are past this upset. I aleady see how this is affecting your feelings of trust in people and the same thing happend to me and I spent so many years believeing that I was unloveable because of it and I do not want you to feel that way so that is why I would like you to distance yourself from those feelings now if possible. I hope that makes sense to you. xx
I’m so sorry that you are in the middle of this. Relationships can be very complex and motivated by needs that seem contradictory at first, even if they’re not. Knowing your dad is with another woman and having to somehow carry the burden of a secret you’ve never asked for is awful.
All that you feel - the anger, the sadness, the feeling of betrayal is absolutely valid in such circumstances. We look up to our parents as being some kind of example in our life. When they break down the image we had of them, through their actions/behavior, it really really hurts.
I want you to know though that this situation is not related to the love that your dad have for you. It’s about different needs, a different place where his heart is, but nothing that has to interfere with the love he has for his children.
May I ask how it went the time you confronted him before? What did he say about it? There are some raw emotions there, things that you feel that are important and that he might need to hear, at least for you and him to have a mature conversation. Without being adressed, this sense of betrayal could really grow and hurt deeper.
You are loved, friend. We’re here to listen and encourage you through all of this.
It’s alright Lisa, that didn’t seem harsh to me at all. You seem to have a very caring soul and you have the right intentions. Also, I’ve felt unlovable for most of my life too so I understand. Take care of yourself and thank you <3
First time was kind of like me forcing him to talk to her. I hid in the bathroom and threatened him that he would apologize to my mom or i’ll show him the screenshots. I ended up sending them to her which opened up a conversation. I could feel what I felt then. I was shaking with fear but also anger? Fanger? Haha a funny match up of emotions. But yeah I probably shouldn’t done that to him. That night he got an angry call from a relative, assuming mom my got a hold of his mom. And the next day he apologized to me and my brother first. Was very hesitant on saying sorry to my mom. She was the one that had to tell me that he never apologized despite him saying that he did.
After some time I didn’t want to get involved anymore so I don’t know what happened. He started saying I love you to my mom and giving the occasional kiss. It was strange but I thought things were fine again. But I guess I was wrong
I guess I’ve gonna have a minority opinion here, and say that it’s okay to feel hate towards your dad, and to want to have nothing to do with him until he gets himself in order - either stop cheating, or man up and stop pretending he’s a faithful husband and be honest about what he’s doing.
It is tricky to figure our where your responsibility lies and how you’re going to cope with the consequences of those choices. There is a chance he will never stop cheating on his legal wife, and that he will forever try to hide it from her, either with this lady or another.
Does your mother know about the screenshots?
Best to save them online in the cloud. I hope your family can work this out to minimize the pain and anger, but it might also be wise for your mom to start planning her finances to make sure she has enough to be independent without him as well since he is going down a path that leads to bad bad choices.