My dad just needs to shut up when it comes to dinner. Every night that he doesn’t cook which is most weeknights he makes comments at whoever cooked (normally my mom) about the food. If we didn’t make at least 2 sides, he complains. If we made the same side/meat for 2 or 3 days in a row, he tells us, “(Food) again? I don’t understand why we always have to eat that.” He complains that he doesn’t like the food we made suddenly after 50 years of eating that food. He always complains about something about his food whether we make it for him but he demands dinner to be ready when he gets home from work and doesn’t want to make it himself. If he has to make it himself on a weekday, he groans that he has to do it.
On the weekends he normally makes dinner without groaning about it since he didn’t have work. He has made dinners with just a meat and one side despite him yelling at us for that not being a proper dinner, But, that doesn’t mean we’re suddenly allowed to do that we’re still not allowed to do that and he’ll complain next time we do it. Tonight he made Baked Potatoes as a side, despite the fact that we had French Fries for dinner on Friday and a stew with potatoes in it yesterday. This triggered me to make this post. But, he has told off my mom before because my mom made too many meals containing potatoes before telling her, “Potatoes again? You know I do not like potatoes.” Mind me Yesterday and today’s meals were HIS DOING not hers. But, if she was to do it after this he’d have a cow at her that he hates potatoes and does not want to eat them for every meal. I made a comment about this at dinner, “Potatoes again? I thought someone hated potatoes?” and he had the NERVE TO SAY, “You don’t like potatoes?” “Just coat them with cheese and shut up.” to me several times in the five minutes I was actually at the dinner table (he ruined my dinner with this). I was just calling him out on hypocrisy because he would do the same exact thing to my mom and I if we made fries, then stew with potatoes, then baked potatoes in a row. Like why do we have to deal with your remarks about our cooking but if you cook we can’t make remarks or you have a fit over it?
Also, he calls me a picky eater because I don’t eat Steak, Pork chops, or Fish (never have, with Steak and Pork Chops as a kid my mom basically had to beg me to at least eat one bite of a small piece) and I am impossible to feed unless it’s Chicken Nuggets or Hot Dogs. Mind you, we pretty much have a list of 10-15 foods he eats and we can’t make anything that isn’t on the list. He refuses to eat it. I am not allowed to make my own meals because he’d make a comment about “how when he was growing up everyone ate the same food for dinner with no option to make their own.” His issues with food is just driving me up a wall.
That would make me crazy too. It breaks my heart to think that there’s so much conflict and strife about this in your home…that food could be such a source of division between you and your dad. I’m sad that he’s acting that way towards you and feel for you, as I just want my dad to be satisfied with me and what I do/make as well – whether it’s food or grades or work or whatever.
Truth is, martian, you’re enough. You’re doing enough. You are enough. Sucks that the situation isn’t going well and it doesn’t feel like there’s a resolution in sight, but that doesn’t change the truth about you.
As far as the situation is concerned, it seems like your dad isn’t going to change his ways, so I’d just take an honest look at yourself – what is it that you can do to change in order to make the situation better? Not that he deserves for you to “roll over” and “let him have his way”, but you literally will never be able to control or change him, so if you want the situation to get better, it’s got to come from inside you. And that could be as simple as not caring that he’s upset. Or it could be something like writing a note with his meal, and telling him how you appreciate that he went to work so you guys could have this food together. Or that you appreciate that dinner is a value for your family and that you guys always get the opportunity to eat together. Or you could go shopping and get him whatever it is that he wants and cook that for him. Or whatever – and prepare for him to be ungrateful for whatever it is you’re doing…the point is that you will be in control. You will have the power. You will have the ability to make a change to the situation and feel good about YOURSELF for making a difference. And you can release him from needing to make you feel good because you’re feeling good about the choices you’re making and the way you’re working to make the situation better, and at the end of the day, feeling proud of yourself is going to go a long way of making the situation better for you.
Hey friend,
Totally get what you mean! My dad is also a lot like that but I don’t see him very often anymore.
Your best bet is if confrontation is not working tell home to make his own food or ignore hin. It’s just very aggravating when you’ve done something for someone that you didn’t necessarily have to do then they become unappreciative or just plain rude.
It’s unfair and I totally get it.
Sorry if this doesn’t help at all.
Hold fast,
Luna ️
Tbh I’m really glad there are people going through the same problems as me. My dad literally complains about nearly everything my mum makes for dinner and he uses paying bills and going as an excuse??? Like he literally uses that same excuse every single argument. He also acts like my mum going to work is so easy and make everything look like its so hard for him so we can feel sympathy. In fact everyone in my family just knows he wants to eat some expensive seafood. My way of dealing with it is just ignoring it. Like a couple minutes ago my mum asks him to wash the clothes FOR ONCE IN HIS LIFE and he starts arguing with her and making up excuses. He shouldn’t even be complaining, my mum goes work then goes home to cook for us and clean the house and my dad comes home from work to lay on his bed drinking beer on his phone. I tell him to shut up once because he keeps starting arguments and he gets all sensitive and angry and then he’s the one who’s calling my mum at bitch in my language. He’s the one who starts the arguments and then when my mum says something he just says “no no no we’re done with this stop talking shut up”. Like wtf man???At this point now, I just accept the fact that my family is broken and that I’m just going to deal with it for the rest of my life.
I’m sorry your dad appears to be a jerk, or suffering from mental health problems… Have you tried sitting him down when he’s sober and asking why he is so unhappy about himself?
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