I’ve struggled with MDD and GAD for way longer than most people really know. I turned 18 recently and have been struggling since I was 15. Extreme OCD and doubts about Christianity are the cause of the vast majority of my issues. I’ve spent so many nights researching the legitimacy of the Bible, conflicting verses, different branches, and so much other stuff to the point that it made me suicidal. I’ve tried so many times to change my sexuality because homosexual stuff is, well, yeah…It’s still really bad but I just don’t have the emotional energy to research anymore. My mental illness is prevalent right now and I’m about to go off to college. I really see no hope and don’t know what to do. Therapy, medication, and major help from family, friends, and teachers have not helped whatsoever. Christianity is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. And yet I still want to believe because it has an ending happier than that of atheism. I’m just lost right now.
How timely. I just heard this last night: part of having faith is not knowing all the answers. It’s terrifying.
It sounds to me like you’ve spent a lot of time and effort looking for inconsistencies to disprove the Bible. It’s something a logic-driven analytical person (or someone with extreme OCD) would do. It’s pretty common knowledge that a lot of the Bible has been lost in multiple translations and interpretations. You don’t have to look very hard to find inconsistencies and plot holes.
I’ve heard a few clergymen say “of course it’s natural to doubt the Bible, the church, Christianity, and God.” None of it makes logical sense! Part of having faith is trusting that it will be okay, even if we don’t understand it.
I think it’s increasingly common for young adults to step away from the church because it’s hard enough to make sense of the world as they enter it, and the pressure of trying to ground themselves in something that by its nature doesn’t make sense is too much.
You aren’t a bad Christian, you aren’t a bad person, and you’re not going to Hell if you doubt or don’t understand everything. It’s there over and over again in the Bible: the Prodigal Son, the 99 Sheep, on and on. God knows we can’t understand Him, that we’ll doubt and sin and try to make our own way, and He waits patiently for us to come back. You have the rest of your life to figure this out. I’d even say that a little healthy skepticism can help your faith. Ask questions, challenge teachers, and find your answers. Keep an open mind though, and don’t look only for the disproof.
There nothing wrong in being a homosexual, and you are not broken. I have hard with religion and growing in a catholic family. I feel good look it is you can view the Bible in different and it not exact answer or it could be wrong. Whatever you believe god or not, I think seeing as it was written by man interpretation, and life is more complicated than black and white.
Again, there nothing wrong with anyone sexuality and it not hurting anyone. No matter straight or gay or what genre you choose to be. Please don’t hate yourself for that.
@CamIsSad I have to agree with @Metalskater1990. The church’s logic doesn’t hold up here. You’ve “tried so many times to change your sexuality,” but you’ve been unable. It’s not a choice, or like you said, you’d have chosen to be straight. Therefore it’s the way you are, and the way God made you. Now, why would God have made you homosexual if it was “an abomination?” I reject that. Everything God makes is perfect in its own way. God doesn’t hate you for being the way he made you.