I was gonna come out to my brother today via text while I was at work but I ended up throwing up at work and now im at home feeling like shit both cuz I feel like im letting my co workers down and my brother down for not being able to work along with having just barfed I wish I was able to feel like anything I do is enough I know I threw up cuz I was both anxious about telling my brother and cuz I been working my self to the bone for the past 3 months but I just don’t feel like its enough I wish I could feel better about my efforts but I never feel like anything I do is enough…
From: Ash (Discord)
First off thank you so much for sharing what is going on. Please know that none of what you say on the wall is not supported. I want to say it is okay to have nerves over telling a loved one who you really are. That is not an easy thing to do. I personally have had to be open with loved ones as I am transgender and had to tell them it took so much to do that but in the end it was worth it. Also you are not letting him down by not telling him yet you are nervous and scared about it currently. I do believe that it is important to know that things do happen mistakes are apart of life and learning to love yourself and give yourself the needed things to deal with this is important. Dont stop fighting that desire to do this to be okay for yourself and others.
From: ThatGuy (Discord)
Here is a little bit of advice that helped me a TON! Think about everyone you know. They may have accomplished something great or they may be a janitor in your work. Everyone has their job, all of it is important. Even without ONE job it just wouldn’t work. Imagine if one day one whole job quit. All the accountants in the world quit. We would not be able to function and we would be sent into a spiraling mess. Who would do out taxes?!? Everyone has their role, and it is all essential. Doing enough doesn’t always mean doing your job well either, it could mean lifting someone up when they are down, or just simply showing up! I guarantee you that your co-workers are always looking forward to you showing up and getting to go to work with you! You do a lot for them. So why should you think to yourself that you don’t do enough when you push yourself so hard? My advise is to go easy on yourself, don’t push yourself to that point. Ask your coworkers about it, do they think you are doing enough? They will defiantly say yes, but in the rare circumstance they don’t, maybe its time to find people who do appreciate what you do!
From: prryplatypus (Discord)
Hello Derpplup! Opening up about something like that to someone you’re close with is definitely not an easy thing to do. It took me 20 years of life just to open up to my parents about my feelings and what I was struggling with, etc… so I know how hard things like that can become if we have doubts about doing it or not. You are not alone . Regarding throwing up, it is a somewhat normal response when we’re waaaay to stressed, nervous or anxious about something. I usually feel nauseous the night before something “special”, like a flight somewhere or just school or uni starting again. Finally, I want you to know that you are not letting anyone down. You say yourself that “I been working my self to the bone”, but that it doesn’t feel like it’s enough. Again, I feel you. I’ve been feeling this for way too long with most things I did, and I used to just do more and more things hoping that’d make me feel like I was actually doing something, but it didn’t. It took me a while to realise that it was actually making me feel like I was doing less than ever, even if I didn’t stop throughout the whole day. Ever since, I started quitting on a few of those things and slowly but surely I’m starting to feel more of that progress in the things I do and doubting less about myself. Could it be that you are overwhelmed by all that you have to do?
As you said: you were very anxious at the moment. Which is totally understandable, because coming out to your brother is a huge step in your life that reveals both expectations and fears regarding the outcome. It’s very, very brave and strong of you to take those steps, despite the anxiety, despite the stress and discomfort. Just having the intention to do it shows how much what you do is a lot. Deciding to get out of our comfort zone is scary, but you don’t let those fears take you down. You are allowed to give yourself the credit you deserve for that!
How your body reacted was, unfortunately, out of your control. It’s frustrating though - I totally get it. But lessons can be learned from that, especially in terms of being patient and compassionate with yourself. This is a time of deep vulnerability for you. It’s okay to take it easy as you would do with someone you love. When we go through a stressful time, we need to be gentle with ourselves. Doing what you can, given the circumstances, will always be enough. Maybe it won’t match your own standards at the moment, but it’s also okay to accept that, under some circumstances, the rules change and our expectations can be different. That doesn’t mean you wouldn’t do enough. Only that the context matters too and we adapt ourselves to it.
I hope everything will go as smooth as possible for you in times to come. You are strong. You are brave. This unfortunate event doesn’t erase any of that.
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