I’ve been struggling with what I think is social anxiety and depression, for a several years (since I was 6-7 years old, to be specific.) Now, for some context:
Since I was younger, I’ve always struggled to socialize with others. I just thought I was very shy and introverted (which I am, btw), so I mostly spent my time alone. I’ve lived in an apartment my whole life so far, so going outside to socialize was a bit tricky. But, there were a few kids that used to play in front of the building, so I hung out with them for a while…
That is, until one day. These kids noticed that I was mostly quiet and nonverbal with my communication, and starting to pick on me for being ‘weird’. Now, I can’t remember some bits, but I think one kid even pushed me and told me to leave them alone…
And that is only the beginning… Ever since then, I’ve been isolating myself from the world, using my imagination and hyperfixations over the years to try and cope with it. And 2020 did not help at all, since it made me super anxious & depressed (to the point where I felt extremely hopeless about my future…). And about my anxiety; it’s quite severe if you ask me. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t trust my own family, and it’s been preventing me from getting any professional help for a very long time. Life just hasn’t been very kind to me, and now I’m stuck in a cycle of distrust, hopelessness, anxiety and unhealed trauma…
Overall, I’m just an emotional wreck of a young teen, and I really need some help rn.
I also suffer from severe anxiety. One of the things that helps me a lot eventually was acceptance. It sounds like some of your anxiety is coming from a place of having it in the first place. Which is something that can happen commonly with severe generalized anxiety.
Once I started to have the self realization that some of what I was experiencing was my own over thought of situations and not necessarily always 100% the situation itself. I found that fighting what I was going through, was harder then accepting what I was going through. Learning what to do with the anxiety I have accepted to be there. I’m not sure this helps everyone, but for whatever reason deep acceptance, and an understanding that it is okay to be the way I am, really helped me to start learning how to deal with the things that were a part of me. It is a lot harder to fix the things that are broken if you are too busy being frustrated with yourself to accept that it is okay to be that way in the first place.
These are all things that may not be fun for an individual to have going, but it IS okay to have them happening. I guess the question for me would be, what steps do you think you can take to help improve your odds of getting a hold of a health professional, or opening up to a family member? Are there reasons you feel like you can’t trust your own family? Or do you believe those feeling to be just a side effect of the anxiety?
Sharing a lone sometimes can be a huge outlet. So feel free to share more if you are feeling up to it! Regardless, I hope you feel some relief and thank you for sharing how you feel. <3
Honestly? I think it’s mostly the affects of anxiety. Since the pandemic and even a bit before it, I’ve been distancing myself from my parents, trying to understand what was even going on with my emotional state at the time.
And I don’t know if it’s even worth noting, but I’ve also just been distant and lonely these past few years. My social skills are definitely terrible, which fueled my anxiety even more… But, I’ve also noticed some of these ‘symptoms’, but I wasn’t sure what to make of them.
That period alone was very confusing for me. Not only did it all happen at a young age, but it’s also affected my mental health quite a lot. At least I’m able to finally vent about it now (which I wish I was able to do much sooner).
Of course. No Problem. If it’s distancing and anxiety that’s causing the dis-trust. Might be time to try to get a little bit closer. Maybe not all the way, all at once, but if no one in your life knows what you are going through, then no one in your life will be able to help you. This is also why sometimes Therapy is so good for some people. Some people don’t want their family and friends to know what they are going through. So they open up some place else. In the end you should do what suites you best, but I’m glad you are finally getting to vent. <3
Yeah. Now that I finally have an outlet to vent about all of this, life just feels… a little more bearable. And it feels great…! But of course, that doesn’t mean my problems are instantly fixed. I might need to spend more time on this website to finally get some confidence back… Because soon, I’ll have to face what I believe will be the toughest school year I have dealt with so far (and I need to give so much context, but I’ll save it for my next topic…)
Until then, thank you so much for the small encouragement. It might not seem much, but for me, it’s an important step to recovery. Goodbye, for now. ^^
First of all, welcome to HeartSuppirt and thank you ever so much for reaching out to us!
I’m sorry to hear that you’ve been struggling with social anxiety and depression for quite some time now. My first question would be to ask whether or not you have reached out to professionals about this? They are the best people to help you deal with these challenges that you face
Your story is one which I relate to quite largely. I was a very quiet child. I’m so sorry you spent most of your childhood and adulthood alone. Nobody deserves to grow up like that. I’m sorry that the children you used to play with turned against you. That must’ve been difficult for you.
It seems like you could really do with reaching out to professionals. Perhaps maybe you could build an action plan on out forum to help with this?