My Ex Girlfriend Is Having A Baby

I just found out on Facebook my girlfriend is having a baby and in a way it’s sad because she’s throwing her life away. A friend of mine asked me if I would reconcile with with her for closure I said no because I don’t want to know what’s going on with her she hurt me pretty badly and her family treated me horribly I went through hell 5 years ago to the point I got sick physically and mentally. I don’t wish her any harm but I cannot deal with her anymore she left me and abandoned me for dead. I forgave her but I don’t forget. I would have been exploding a few years ago but now I’m okay with it. She was baggage and so was her family.

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Hi Ranma,

Good for you for not putting yourself back into that toxic situation, I definitely think you made the right decision. At the end of the day, your happiness should be your top priority, and it sounds like you did right by your self. Good job!

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Thank You so much and I’m better off I found someone much better than her and her family has accepted me without judgement something that my ex’s family never did.

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That’s excellent news, I’m glad to hear it.

I’m sorry this has stirred something in you. My ex got pregnant a year after we broke up. It was surreal. I felt a lot of things: relief that it wasn’t me, smug because her reckless lifestyle finally yielded life-altering consequences, but also hurt just from getting an update on her life instead of letting her fade into the background. She really hurt me, and I can’t think about her without some kind of emotional movements. I once told her I forgave her, and I wanted it to be true, but even after that I still feel angry and hurt whenever she crosses my mind.

I’m doing some work through a church program on letting go of my past hurts. One of the interesting things they brought up this week is all the things that forgiveness isn’t.

–Forgiveness IS NOT forgetting. The passage of time doesn’t nullify the hurt they inflicted.
–Forgiveness IS NOT trust. They have to earn that back.
–Forgiveness IS NOT reconciliation. You can release the hurts against you, but you don’t have to have a relationship–or even a dialogue–with the people who have hurt you. They also don’t owe it to you to own up to their wrongdoing.
–Forgiveness IS NOT excusing what was done. It’s still important to acknowledge the hurt that was inflicted.
–Forgiveness IS NOT absolving them of the consequences of their actions. For example, forgiving a criminal who harmed you doesn’t negate his punishment.

Right now I’m trying to figure out forgiveness plans for the people who have wronged me. I am really anxious about figuring out who to confront, how to confront them (whether in person, in a letter, or simply in prayer), and part of the process of forgiving them is articulating the pain they put me through. It’s tough. I hope I come out the other side unburdened, but right now it feels like I’m cutting something out of myself.

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