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My ex wife Mary is currently battling fentanyl and meth addiction. It’s heartbreaking. I had to divorce her bcuz she was dragging me down with her.
There’s no one I can open up to.
Met too much vitriol and hated for being myself.
Not really sure how much longer I can keep this up alone.
I’m so sorry you’ve gone through this. It takes courage to stand up in a situation like this and draw a line under it. Our first instinct is always to help those we care about, but helping someone overcome their addiction is not something you can do without their commitment to recovery.
Respecting yourself and your boundaries is something that is easily eroded when living with someone struggling with addiction. To make the decision to leave though, that shows you must still recognise your own value. And you’re right to recognise that because you deserve better than living in a situation where you felt hated for being yourself. You also deserve to be around people who respect who you are. It’s difficult to know where to start when reaching out to new groups, but I wonder if there are any community groups or volunteering roles around where you are. I don’t want you to have to continue being alone, because you do deserve better. It may take time, but you will find people who like and respect you for being you. In the meantime, considering therapy for what you’ve been through may be a really helpful option; having someone you can open up to and talk about what you’ve been through.
All my love x
I am incredibly sorry that you have to deal with this. Substance misuse is very difficult for both the individual and loved ones. And I wish her all the luck in her recovery. But I applauded you for knowing your self-worth, value, and boundaries. Having to make such a painful, gut-wrenching decision could not have been easy for you to make. Especially under such heartbreaking circumstances, seeing someone you love turn into someone you no longer recognize. The people you tried talking to about it shot you down and criticized your decision didn’t make it easier either. The right decision is never the easy one to make. If you need to find people to open up to or even socialize with, reaching out to old acquaintances or friends won’t ever hurt. Community centers, activity clubs, religious groups, and if you have kids in school, getting involved there are all great ways to meet other people. It would also allow you to get out of the house and start to battle the feelings of isolation and break the feelings of grief, shame, and hatred towards yourself. And if you have the resources, therapy is also something you may want to consider, just so you have someone to vent to and open up to. Regardless, I wish you and your ex-wife all the best of luck.