My family. My fault

Im the tallest person on my family, although im the second most young. My father is a bit, just a bit smaller than me.We’ll Later talk about him…

My brother. Ilove my brother, he is my biggest inspiration, but, he has changed, for bad. He was so good at the beginning, so nice of a child. But he got inside this “Drip street” style, with commiting acts of violence and making criminal actions a dayly fun thing to do. “Cuz its kool”.
Im so worried, and i feel so uncapable of helping him. This country has ruined him, this stupid culture, the stupid language. This stupid people.

We are from sweden, though, we have our main family in denmark and germany, we still have a lot of family there. My mom is a swedish orphan, she lived and was adopted in spain. She traveled to sweden, she met my father, and now w’ere here :slight_smile:

My mom decided it would be good to move to Spain, that “its a good country, good food and good culture”. I was a child, I didnt knew that my future depended of this country’s education and people. I got bullyed when i was young, about 3 or 4 years old. This changed my life.
they ignored the fact that i had post-trauma attacks, that i came home with injuries, and that in school they punished me unfairly. My mother of course realized, and became to sue the school,my that didnt care i think, i dont remember him taking part of it.

My life changed for better when i met someone that would be my love, and the person i miss today, since that person died on a car accident. My life has just gone wrong since then.

My Father. Ah yes, we finally reached this point, im sure my Father loves me, and i love him too, after all he is my Father. But, im getting treated poorly nowadays, he just shouts at me, screaming “hey you useless kid, do something productive” or “why arent you studying you idiot, you are not going to do anything profitable in your life!”. I dont know what hit him. Honestly.

But no one really askesd me HOW i feel i just recive “how are you, all good?” no one is really asking me about my feelings. I really feel greateful, dont misleaad me. But, I feel like
im wrong for wanting people to understand me, no one is really forced to. But how do I feel? Well

I feel fear, sorrow, hate, anger, and other things i cant describe because it wpuld make me cry, and im on a plane writing this, so i dont w<nt anyone to se me cry
I feel like live just gave up on me, that life decided that i was better alone, life allowed people to take happyness out of me, life allowed people to take my innocence, life allowed my heart to have problems, life didnt even look, at my blood, when it was spilled all over the playground at my school, when a classmate beated me up, and then i allmost kill him.

No one really cared, and everyone allowed it. It wasn’t life’s fault, was it?
Was it the people’s? Was it MY fault?
I would thank if you thought about it. Thank you for reading, and wish me a nice landing.=?

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I thought of beggining with some information about my family.

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I wish you safe travels and a restful and peaceful time on your trip!

It is not your fault that you’ve been subjected to mistreatment. I’m sorry that everyone seems to be wrapped up in their own lives.

I would like to ask you, “How are you doing, friend?” and please know that everyone here actually cares about your answer! We’re here for you, and this is a safe space where you can express your thoughts and feelings. We’re listening. And please know that you matter, just by existing, you have worth and importance :slight_smile:

No one really cared, and everyone allowed it. It wasn’t life’s fault, was it?
Was it the people’s? Was it MY fault?

It was not your fault. If there is one certainty to have through all of this, it is the fact that you have not asked nor caused any of the trauma you’ve been through. Bullying, abuse, violence are the responsibility of the ones who initiate it. People are responsible for their actions - unfortunately it seems that no one really acknowledged what was happening to you at school, so you didn’t get to see some restoration happening, and accountability too. It was wrong. What other children did to you, but also that teachers and people working at school didn’t help you/were not aware of the situation. You should have been helped, supported, comforted.

I’m so sorry that didn’t happen when you needed it the most. These are wounds - figurative ones now - that will take time to heal. Be patient with yourself, friend, and rest assured that we are standing by your side.

My Father. Ah yes, we finally reached this point, im sure my Father loves me, and i love him too, after all he is my Father. But, im getting treated poorly nowadays, he just shouts at me, screaming “hey you useless kid, do something productive” or “why arent you studying you idiot, you are not going to do anything profitable in your life!”. I dont know what hit him. Honestly.

I’m sorry to be blunt about this, but if these words are the ones that your father used, then that is called verbal abuse, and that is not okay. As a parent, patience is required. Their job is to explain and use proper words, not to call you in ways that are incredibly diminishing and humiliating. Words affect us.

I don’t know either what’s on your father’s mind, but I think it would be good for your to talk about this to someone - your mom if that is possible, or a counselor at school, or calling a child helpline at least to have some advice and guidance. You should be able to find one for your country here:

All in all, it is not because he is your father and because this is happening in the family circle that you have to get used to it. It should be different and it’s okay to ask for help on that matter.

I feel like live just gave up on me, that life decided that i was better alone

When you have been hurt so much, either directly or indirectly, life isn’t very appealing anymore. The world feels like this giant trap full of risks and dangers. It’s understandable to feel like life gave up on you. You are not doomed though. What happened before is not meant to be repeated over and over. There is nothing written already, and you own the ability to create a better future for yourself. By healing those wounds, but also giving yourself and trustful people a chance again. You are not made to endure and fade away silently. There is much more to this world and to this life than these painful events that impacted you so deeply.

I’m so very proud of you for using this space to share what’s on your heart. Thank you for inviting us into your world, your story, and allowing everyone here to know you better.

What happened was not your fault. :hrtlegolove:

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