My father committed suicide the last day of my jun

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Belongs to: Therapist analyzes Su!cIde by Ren
My father committed suicide the last day of my junior year in high school. People always think of the poor suicide victim, not the permanent pain the survivors go through. It leaves scars on your soul like a severe burn victim has on his or her face…but no one sees it.

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You are absolutely right, people who survive and have to navigate the realms of such a traumatic loss are too often forgotten and overlooked. While in reality, losing someone you love to suicide is a violent, heartbreaking event that completely shatters your life. I’m thankful you’ve decided to speak up about the pain you have been experiencing yourself, and for all the ones who can relate to what you are going through, for they are survivors too.

There is something about losing someone to suicide that truly goes beyond words, which makes it hard for others at times to truly see the pain, the anguish, the fear and the shock it creates in the heart of the ones who are still present. In this situation, you are forced to brutally learn to compose in life without the presence of the person you miss so dearly. Silence turns out to be incredibly loud, and it’s profoundly isolating when people around you don’t seem to see it. When they don’t acknowledge or even forget the reality of the pain you carry on with you. It’s brutal and heartbreaking to learn to live with all the what if’s that can run through our mind, to learn again to embrace life, to figure out how to not to let a sense of guilt paralyze us for the rest of our life either. It feels like being forced to start from scratch again and figuring out how to walk. You feel haunted by the thought of how life could and should have been in the present moment, and that realization in itself feels like having your own heart teared apart.

If anything, I see you right now. I hear your pain, and my heart truly goes out to you. Your story is unique, just like your relationship with your dad - still you are not alone on this path. There are people out there who understand, who feel the way you do alongside you, even if it’s hard to find those people sometimes, and even when our pain isolates us in various ways. You are not alone, my friend. Your pain is heard and felt right here.