My Fiancée is Insecure

I wish my fiancée wasn’t so jealous and insecure. She got jealous of a TV Reporter whom I only met once in person and asked me if I would leave her for her and I told her nowhere are you getting those ideas and she said because I made a few comments on her social media and I said to her she is a married reported and a celebrity and she shouldn’t feel insecure about some tv reporter I met once in person which was by accident I don’t like being put on the spot like I’m going to cheat on my fiancée with celebrities out of all people. It made me very angry and upset I already have stress as it is at home with my mother I don’t need it from her as well.


insecurity is hard to shake once it gets roots.

It sounds like you two should communicate more about what her fears are, and where it’s coming from.

For example, you could go over your posts and comments and ask her what about them is making her insecure?
Is it that she is feeling there is some affection or attention lacking? Does she think you are saying things to a celebrity that you aren’t saying to her, and this is hurting/scaring her?

It’s difficult when someone implies that you may cheat with someone, but maybe having a serious, yet kind, talk may help to address her fears before it gets worse. Just a thought. You have stated that you have other stresses at home, she may as well, so please do try to not be angry when having a talk with her, or when she is stressed either.


Jealousy is a tough subject. I think to some extent we all experience it. When my husband and I were very early into our marriage I was pretty jealous, admittedly. Not to make excuses for myself, but to explain my thought process behind it, my relationship with my husband was and still is the most stable and loving relationship I’ve ever experienced. In my past I was subjected to abuse of all kinds, abandonment and chaos and it scared me to death that I might lose this wonderful person who randomly came into my life. Over the years as we’ve been married my jealousy levels have gone way down, to an extent where I would say I very rarely experience jealousy in our marriage anymore.

I think its natural when things are newer to feel jealousy. You don’t have the solid grounding of a longer relationship, you haven’t had as much time to learn through tangible experience that you don’t actually have anything to worry about, assuming the best case scenario of course.

Also. As someone who was that jealous significant other, it’s often more complicated than, I am jealous by nature and I’m going to put you on the spot. It could be a case like mine where decades of life have taught you that someone you love can vanish out of your life or abandon you at a moments notice. This isn’t always true of course, but sometimes in cases like these it is easier to preemptively prepare yourself for heartache than to be blind sided.

Of course, I must agree with Sita here. Communication is key in all relationships. It seems that something you commented on social media made your fiance upset while the way she chose to discuss her insecurities made you upset. Perhaps you both need to have a heart to heart. Air your grievances. Over time you both will learn how to more effectively communicate, and maybe if this turns out anything like my relationship, that jealousy will fade over time as she becomes more comfortable with the realization that you won’t abandon her.

Hi there!
I may have something to add to this conversation, since I was very insecure and jealous in my relationship for a long time. I agree with some other people here that there is usually more to the picture. Sometimes it’s not even a fear of “I think you will leave me” but also “What does she have that I don’t?” That was my issue. I was constantly comparing myself to other women and feeling inadequate when I thought someone else was more attractive (which is very easy to find on social media). I also used to get SO angry and paranoid that he was looking at other women in public. It took me a long time to recognize that my problem was not with him, but with my perception of men in general (I won’t get in to why it is so negative).

With that in mind, I think it’s important to remember that we are a collection of our own experiences. I had plenty of experience of men objectifying me, using me, undressing me with their eyes, and even worse, that deep down I thought that all men were like this. But I was wrong, and my (now) husband was very patient with me. I would constantly accuse him of looking at people in public, and he would deny it. Turns out as soon as I started processing my own issues and talking to a therapist about my experience with men, my perspective started changing (slowly).

But also, I agree that communication is key! If I had not expressed to my husband how I was feeling, and eventually, why I was feeling that way we would never have made it to where we are now. Luckily, I have a very understanding partner who was willing to listen and understand my struggle. For example, he agreed to stop watching porn, because he knows how much it upsets me. And I love him so much for that. For something that is so normalized in our society, and as a dude, I know that could not have been easy. But I think we are both healthier without it.

ANYWAY! My point is that issues have multiple layers to them, multiple causes and multiple solutions. My guess, is that your fiancee is jealous of a TV reporter not because she ACTUALLY thinks you might leave her, but more because she is insecure that you may find that women more attractive than her. Or even the fact that you are giving someone else a sexually/romantically charged kind of attention might make her feel really inadequate. Does she ever gush about male celebrities around you? And how does that make you feel? Perhaps you can use this as an entry point to discuss what is going on here. You just have to find what works for the both of you and talk through it!

I know it can be frustrating, but please try not to get angry at the poor soul, it really sucks not feeling secure in your own skin : (

Best of luck! xoxoxoxox

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