One of my questions is if you had a closed friend going through hard stuff would you blame her for her struggles? Probably not. You would meet her with compassion and empathy and be there for her. I know I really do how much self hate and shame can blind you but it’s possible to find freedom from that. It’s possible to not blame yourself for everything that went wrong but to see things in a different perspective. To see that yes we all fall short and mess up but that doesnt make us horrible people. Doesn’t make us any worse than anyone else. We all make mistakes and most the time the things that we carry are never meant for us to carry. We are not meant to live in self hate and blame ourselves for everthing but to meet ourselves with care and compassion. We deserve to walk in freedom. Even when we think we messed up. Most the time there more than one thing or one person who causes these things to happen. Most the time we get the stories wrong. Sure we can take responsibility for part of our parts but we can also walk on freedom and not kick ourselves when we are already down. We can learn to change these thoughts and find the good in us. We can smile and even laugh again. I know life sucks at times and people hurt us and we hurt others but there are always people that care. Even complete strangers care. I know it might not seem worth it to keep fighting, to heal these areas and it can take awhile but even if e just take it one moment at a time it’s possible. You deserve to reach out to get help to have better days. You are not the lies, the pain, the things that have happened to you or the things you have done. You are so so so much more. I’m not just saying these things just because. I’m saying them because it’s the darkness the deepest pains that bring us together and allow us to know we aren’t alone. That together in the right community light can be found and even if we can’t see it we can borrow it. It’s hard when we get hurt by those closest to us when it’s so hard to trust anyone and let anyone close. We have to keep trying to break down those walls even if it’s slowly or looks different. The right people will come along and be with you, hold you and believe in you and even fight for you in these hard times.
My dad has a heart attack less than three weeks ago and is back in the hospital, and we fear he’s had another one. And I can’t save him, and I can tell you right now I can’t live to see me losing my dad.
I understand that. I am very close with my dad too and the thought of ever losing him makes me upset. But, I try to think of it the other way and how my dad would feel if he lost me. He loves you and doesn’t want to lose you.
I am really sorry that all this is happening at once. That so much is going on. It sounds like you are close to your dad. I know it’s so so hard to stay right now and everything feels so unbearable, but things can happen. He can get better it’s possible. Even in the hardest things things can change for the better. Allow yourself to cry to be there for you right now. Try to meet yourself where you are at and be the person you need and are allowed to have. You don’t have to be strong right now. You can hurt and ache and take care of you right now.
I invested my all into one person. I’ve done this three times. With three separate guys. Every time it’s ended terribly. But this time it was different.
This guy I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. And now he’s gone. We had our final “fight” tonight. And well the inevitable words goodbye were spoken. But what I didn’t know was that’d be the last encounter we ever had. I just need to say my goodbyes and say I’m sorry.
Olivia,
Don’t do this. You are loved. You are cared for and you have purpose. I know it feels impossible to see right now, but look at all of the love that this community has for you. You will get through this. Message me on Discord.
I love you.
Olivia,
Please don’t do this. We love you. I know there is so much pain right now, but you can get through this. You say every failed relationship, but what about this relationship with HS? You have so many people who love and care about you. Please stay. Please let us love you. Please please hold.
Love,
Cassie
Monkey, You are not alone. I can’t imagine all the hell you are going through right now. But you are strong and brave and courageous for holding on and enduring whatever may come. Please hold fast and keep reaching out. You are such a beautiful soul who has so much to offer. Your story of strength and overcoming could be the inspiration someone else needs someday to keep holding on. Your life has the power to be a triumphant testimony. Hold fast. You have it in you to rise above and conquer!
Love you friend we are here for you. Please be gentle with yourself.
Thank you guys for all the love and support tonight. I’m overwhelmed with all the care and understanding during this time.
I’m going to keep fighting. I won’t give up. I know that God has a plan for my future. Prayers for my dad and the doctors is really appreciated during this time.
Monkey, you are so right. God has a plan for you! I will pray for strength and endurance for you, and that you would see Him in the fires of life and feel his presence and comfort. And for the doctors and your dad. I know this life isn’t easy. But you have all of us here to support you. You are so precious and loved! 
I understand the pain of losing people. I lost my dad, the day my brother got married. A couple weeks ago, I lost someone who was a second mother to me. I’ll admit, there is much pain and emotions that come with it, but it’s not your burden to carry alone. I’m not gonna spew religious stuff because for one, I am not. I had to turn inward, in order to heal, and just focus on my life. Now, coming up on 3 years since his passing, shit is finally starting to favor me. I say that to encourage you, and let you know that things do get better over time. It’s not instant, but it’s worth it. Keep your head up, and if you need anything, you can dm me and I’ll give you my cell, and email, and help you in any way I can.
Update to all – @taylor and @Monkey and I had a phone call, and it went well. Olivia’s just been going through next level stress, overwhelm, disappointment, etc etc…it was crazy to step into her shoes. It makes sense where her headspace was at, but we also got to pray together and move towards the truth – that she is loved and can’t earn it and can’t lose it…that she’s not alone and can’t shake God’s presence…and that she’s crazy loved by all of you and us. Thankful for a community that responds and shows up when others need it. Love you all. Love you, Olivia.
@NateTriesAgain Thank you so much for tonight. You mean so much to me. And you showing up week after week, talking with me, loving on me, and walking along side me through this craziness means more to me than you will ever know.
My heart is overwhelmed by all the outpouring of love and support tonight and always. It means so much to me.
Love you guys! Hold Fast
Monkey
hey @Monkey
just want to say i love your face and you are so not alone .
my heart breaks for you . Just know we love you friend
You have made it to another morning, and I couldn’t be happier. Love you, friend.
Please try n stay strong. I know the reality of one of our parents going to Heaven…I’m going through it as we speak…I try to ALWAYS find the silver lining in everything…no matter how grim or how insignificant the silver lining may be. I know my Mom is looking down and wanting me to push on, I know she raised me to find the strength to make it happen one way or the other. This experience of talking with incredible community of individuals has been truly uplifting and WE are all HERE for YOU my friend !!! ️
Appreciate all of you guys so much. I’ll say last night was probably the toughest life that I’ve had in a really long time. I’m not going to lie and say that it’s been easy, I’m still struggling. But I’m feeling better.
I gotta be honest guys, today all I did was clean my room and do a load of laundry. It seems like nothing, but it’s something I’ve been putting off for weeks, and guys depression makes some of these simple tasks seem really really impossible. So thank you guys for the love and encouragement.
Trust me, that “little bit” is worth a lot. Start with the little things, and the big ones will become easier to do. Stay strong, it’s going to be okay
~Danny
Monkey:
NOTHING IS YOUR FAULT. Those two people who told you it was, are toxic and good for nothing.
YOU MATTER! You are loved! Please, please don’t do anything. You may not believe me, but “this too shall pass.” It will. I’ve felt really sad before in my life and knew things would NOT get better. Guess what? They not only got better, they got WONDERFUL.
PLEASE e-mail me. Feel free to. I would love to talk with you. My e-mail is [email protected]
YOU MATTER AND YOU ARE LOVED! (((((((((((Hugs))))))))))))
Beth