My first post here

Ok. I’m baring my soul here but…

Two years ago I moved out on my own. Out of the home I once shared with my soon to be ex wife. I had found out a few month prior she was having an affair. We tried counseling and in those session she told me she no longer loved me. That she felt ignored. I get that part. We have two kids. When I found out I was going to be a father I focused all my energy and love on them.

Let me give a little back story. I grew up with very little. My parents were barely there and for sure didn’t give me a whole lot of affection. So I made it my mission to make sure my boys didn’t have the struggles I had. I know that’s how THEIR parents were and it just became a pattern they passed down. I decided to break the cycle. I give my sons the love and support and encouragement that I didn’t get, but along the way I guess I didn’t pay attention to her. So she fell out of love.

And now here I am. Alone. I get my kids four to sometimes five days a week. And now it feels like I’m treading water financially. I don’t know how much longer I can keep from drowning here and some times I feel like maybe they would be better off without me.

That’s a tough pill to swallow but it’s just becoming more and more evident that I cannot sustain any quality of life. And it kills me.

It felt good to get all that off my chest.

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@the_von_solo thank you for sharing that with us and being open. I’m glad that sharing it provided a little bit of relief getting it off your chest. Divorce is an incredibly painful thing to go through and I’m sorry to hear that you are working through that. It sounds to me like you have a tremendous heart for your family. That is amazing. It’s also evidence that your kids are definitely better off WITH you. The divorce and actions of your wife are not your fault. I hope that it doesn’t feel that way. The decision to be unfaithful was her decision, not yours. This is a very hard, volatile time. My parents divorced when I was 9 and both of them dealt with the emotional and mental struggles for awhile afterwards but were able to work through it and get back to individual stability. You can make it though this :heart: We are here for you along the way. Your family is better off with you in their life, and the world is better off with you in it.

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Hey @the_von_solo,

Thank you so much for sharing those parts of your story and just your heart with us. This vulnerability you show here is truly valued and respected. :heart:

I know that’s how THEIR parents were and it just became a pattern they passed down. I decided to break the cycle.

I’m not a parent myself, but this hits so close to home. I once came to this realization that there is a cycle of abuse and violence in my family that was passed down through generations. It was what decided me to affirm to myself and to my mom, who hold both the role of victim and abuser, that this cycle stops with me and I’ll do whatever it takes to fight for this. This is such a dificult and silent battle though. But I hear you. And I just wanted to take some time to say that I see you, I acknowledge what you’re doing, and I can tell that this willingness makes you an incredible parent for your children. As much as I am aware that the situation now is difficult, especially because you feel alone, I can assure you that your kids wouldn’t be better without you. The situation you are all going through right now is incredibly difficult, as a divorce changes the way everyone lives on a daily basis. But you can make it through, friend. Those hurdles, as unfair and difficult they can be, are made to be overcome.

Out of the home I once shared with my soon to be ex wife. I had found out a few month prior she was having an affair. We tried counseling and in those session she told me she no longer loved me. That she felt ignored.

It sounds that you both tried, especially through counseling. Unfortunately, what your wife did was out of your control. It’s already vert wise and honest to understand the situation and try to see to which extent both of you could held a responsability in what happened, but I want to remind you that having an affair was her responsability and it certainly doesn’t reflect who you are. Seeing love fading away is, unfortunately, what happens sometimes and I’m so sorry it ended like this for you and her. It sounds that you both tried and I wish it would have been different.

That’s a tough pill to swallow but it’s just becoming more and more evident that I cannot sustain any quality of life. And it kills me.

I want to encourage you not to stay alone with those thoughts and feelings. You made the right decision by sharing it here. Now, are there also people in your life who could help you lift this weight on your shoulders and support you? This journey, those battles, don’t have to be fought alone.

It felt good to get all that off my chest.

Right? A good reminder of how much words can be powerful. Same with just slowing down and sitting with our thoughts sometimes, to reflect on ourselves and our life. Thank you, again, for allowing yourself to do it here and inviting this community to know you more. If you’re comfortable with it, please let us know how things are going for you in times to come. You are loved. :hrtlegolove:

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