My Friend's Relationship

So, I’ve talked about this on Monday HeartSupport Stream in the everyone that was very helpful at the time and I’m so glad to be able to call all you guys friends and that all of you are Loved.

So, I was talking to my dear friend lets call him Simon (Not to disclose is identity, for safety reasons) I was talking to him and he said he wasn’t very happy with the current state of the relationship and he thinks that they may have moved too fast, but it’s too late to recover and it would be best to separate and see other people, but his girlfriend lets call her Katy (Not to disclose is identity, for safety reasons) Simon know that Katy has dealt with Self-Harm and Suicidal Thoughts in the past, but as far as he is aware they have stopped since they have been together which is true (Up to this week) due to some family issues but asked me not to tell anyone not even Simon, While Simon is on vacation which he still is. Simon messaged me today (Monday) saying that he felt that way and wanted to stop the relationship and wasn’t sure if he should do it or not with her past and I told him to go with his heart and that we were going to tell her Tuesday, which is also Simon’s Birthday and Katy has loads of things planned for his return. It will hit Katy hard and she’s already back to her old ways that Simon is unaware of, so if he does it, it could be the iceberg that breaks the Titanic, since she already feels this way. I don’t know what is the greater good. 1) Telling him to stay with her to keep her Happy/Harm Free and Alive, but Simon will be unhappy or 2) Telling Him to end the relationship if that’s how he feels, but risking her harming herself self and possibly taking her life.

Hi @Mini

So since I don’t know their situation fully and deeply I can only give my opinion on the situation by how you presented it to me. I just want to make that clear before I continued.
But in my opinion I don’t think anyone should stay in a relationship just because they are afraid the other person will hurt themselves. That is a really toxic relationship to be in and could lead to hurt feelings on both sides. Both of your friends deserve to find love that is right for them and if they stick in this relationship it prevents both of them finding their right person. I think Simon should end it if he wants to. It will hurt Katy. She may hurt for a while, but she deserves to be with someone who wants to be with her because they love her not because they feel sorry for her.

I think maybe Katy needs to build up some independence, she shouldn’t be leaning completely on someone all the time.
Also, I think (just my opinion) that @IAmCassie is right. It’s not good for Simon, and it’s not good for Katy, just for someone to stick with her because they pity her. If Simon does break up with her, be there for her. She’ll need a friend and a strong voice.

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That is a tricky one. I think personally he should end it. Is she really that bad though. Maybe someone should give her a warning. This helping her to prepare her. Either way its going to happen when she feels like the love isn’t there. Plus being with someone out of pity just makes it harder.

You are right he should do what he thinks best especially for him.

I would talk to her and explain to her that it might be a good idea for her to step away from the relationship until she can work on herself. It would be easier on her mentally if she would be the one to initiate the breakup and even if its just a break, it will allow her time to sort through her head and reduce her emotional dependency. It’s easier to convince someone that something is their idea than it is to comfort someone who has had their heart ripped out. I had a friend who was with a guy like that and he was also manipulative and emotionally abusive and misogynistic. I called him out for every little shitty thing he did until he left because he hated me. She agreed with the things I said and it caused their breakup. He spent years trying everything to get her back. Attempting suicide, using his mom to guilt her into coming back, getting with a chick from the psychological ward and using her as a pain to make her jealous. You name it. The guy still hasn’t let it go and he has a kid and it’s been 9 years. People need to be emotionally mature for a relationship and understand that they cannot rely on another person for their happiness. Convince her to break up until she starts doing better for her own health and safety

Mini - I’m sorry that you and your friend are going through this right now. As someone who has been through this but in the position of Katy I would love to talk to you about it if that’s still something you’d like… It could possibly be helpful to hear from that side too…

Hold fast
Kayla