My gf of 4 years said she thinks she might by bi last night. That kinda came out of nowhere. I’m not freaked out or anything, but I don’t really understand. She said she loves me and doesn’t want to leave me and that she’ll never act on it, but I want to know what to do to support her or whatever. Anyone else ever dealt with this?
I have dealt with this.
I came out as bi when I was 15. I slowly expanded the circle of people that I told because I was living in the Bible belt in the US and its kinda taboo I guess.
Anyways, when I first was coming out, I had a boyfriend at the time and I decided I would form it as kind of a what if just to see how he would react. I asked him, How would you feel if I was bisexual? He replied by saying he hates bisexual people because bisexual people just want attention, that’s why they’re bi.
Suffice it to say that relationship didn’t last. I was a little surprised he felt that way, but at the same time I was expecting it to a degree so… yea. It is what it is.
On the other side of that coin is my husband.
I met my husband when I was 23. We were both in Job Corps and by this time I was very out, so to say, I wasn’t ashamed of who I was and so it was just a thing that people were aware of. When we specifically discussed it, my husband wasn’t bothered at all. He made the greatest joke about it being like liking to eat sausage and tacos, and that’s fine, and he was even open to be having tacos now and then if I got bored of sausage. So to speak. This still makes me laugh, but it got the point across.
Although the option is there to venture about, I have no desire to. I love my husband more than life itself and I feel like if I had something on the side it would be a betrayal, even though he has given me his blessing several times. So I understand where she is coming from. It makes total sense to me.
If I was to say anything to you as her partner, I would say, Everything is still the same as it was before she came out to you. I’m sure she is just as committed to you as she was yesterday and the day before. Probably what happened is she has started to realize some feelings around other women or something to that affect. But it’s no different than if you saw a pretty girl and thought she was pretty. It doesn’t mean you want to cheat on your girlfriend, it just means you saw a pretty girl. Try not to stress too much and let her know that you will support her if that’s how she feels and you will continue to love her like before this ever happened.
Being bi or otherwise not straight doesn’t fundamentally change someone’s morals, feelings, etc. They are still the same person and shouldn’t be treated any differently. She doesn’t need special treatment because she might be bi. There’s nothing you need to do overtly to show that you are supportive, other than to just tell her. That’s all she needs.
I think it’s awesome that your girlfriend trusts you enough to come out to you. That’s a huge step for her and it tells me that she loves and trusts you.
If this is something that doesn’t freak you out, then I wouldn’t really make a big to do about it. Just be there for her if she needs to talk and support her. This isn’t about you or how she feels about you, it’s probably something she has been trying to come to terms with for awhile.
It all just comes down to trust and love.
I can’t relate to the feeling of not understanding what being queer means, because I’ve spent the majority of my life being aware that I’m a gay trans man, or at the very least, not straight and cis. Are you confused because she says she’s bi but still wants to stay with you?
Mostly, I’d just accept it and move on. If you both love each other, then there’s no reason for this to damage your relationship with her at all.
Thank you all. I like your advice. Yeah, I’m not worried about her running out on me or anything. I still totally trust her and don’t have a reason not to. She’s not any different from a few days ago before she said it. If anything, it’s good that she’s coming to terms with it. Maybe it will increase her confidence and self esteem. Thank you.
Ive had this conversation with a friend a while ago - and yes it seemed to have come out of nowhere. She is generally quiet and shy - hence why I missed the signs. I am just glad to have her as a friend and told her that. Glad she felt safe to tell me - and SUPER proud of her.
Support her as much as you can and continue to communicate!
<3 Zephirah (Andrea Jean)