My grandma is dying

my grandma has had breathing problems for a while now and has also had stomach issues that she’s had to deal with for a while. she’s gone to the hospital for these things many many times and has almost died because of it. she has been trying everything to help her breathing but after what seems like years of trying to find something to help her, she has decided that she’s going to stop taking medicine and stuff that helps her breathe and go into hospice care. when she went to the hospital last Christmas, she didn’t tell us what was wrong. she didn’t want us to worry but we found out that she had major health problems that she was hiding. in the hospital she was saying things like “I just wish I would die already” and “I’m ready to go now”. that broke my heart. it broke my heart to see her suffering. she has been in so much pain and struggling with health for so long, she has now decided it’s time to pass on.
my dad told me that my grandma was going to pass away soon this last weekend when my family came to visit me at school. he was driving me back to campus and said that she was going to pass away soon. he said her health was declining rapidly and her breathing was getting worse. I asked all the questions I could. “isn’t there something else she can try?” “is aunt Debby (my aunt who is a nurse) gonna take good enough care of her?” it doesn’t seem real. I was telling my sister today that it almost feels worse because you know her death is coming but we don’t know when exactly so it’s like a ticking clock. I’m so scared that every time I talk to her, it’s gonna be the last time. every time I talk to her I try to remember everything she says because I don’t wanna forget it. I don’t wanna stop hearing her voice.
when my parents told my brother yesterday that she was gonna pass away soon, he of course didn’t take it well. that broke my heart. it broke my heart to hold him in my arms and hear him ask why she has to die. at one point he said, “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to talk to her because I know I’ll cry but I don’t want her to die without me talking to her first.” that broke me. I understand what he’s saying. it’s so hard. it’s gonna be a really hard time for the next couple months. Christmas won’t be the same. things will never be the same. I’m so worried about my brother and dad. my dad is so strong and under so much pressure. he’s doing his best and I don’t want to see him struggling with this, even though there’s nothing we can do. I don’t want to see my brother go through this. I don’t want to see him go through this death. I hate this. I hate that she’s gonna be gone at some point. I hate that she’s struggling. I hate that every time I talk to her, it may be the last time. I hate to see my brother cry. I hate to think about my dad having to deal with the funeral. I hate how much pain my mom and family will be in. I hate thinking about how I’m not gonna be able to go into her house and have it be the same. I hate the thought of having to explain to my brother that she’s okay now. I don’t want to think about the day that she dies. I don’t want to think about the call I’m gonna get from my dad saying that it happened. I don’t want to think about seeing my family cry. I want to see her again before she dies, I wanna hug her I wanna hold her hand, I wanna hear her voice and her laugh. I wanna make her laugh or smile. I wanna do as much as I can to help my family but there’s nothing I can do to stop them from grieving and crying. I hate this

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Is ok, I understand the pain of loosing someone you really love and care about. If you feel like you are gonna miss her a lot, you should try and take a video of her laughing and telling you a lot of stories about her childhood or how she raised your dad. Try to spend time with her and every time you do it, just think that she is gonna be ok in a better place. Try to enjoy her as much as you can and prepared yourself for the worse.

Hi @nicole_kaley,

I’m sincerely sorry for your grandma and for your family. I don’t think there are right words. So I’m already sending much love your way right now.

It will be difficult to prepare yourself for this but you won’t be able to protect your entire family from grieving. You’re such a wonderful person and there’s already no doubt that you’llbe there for your family, to support each other. For the moment, you can still try to enjoy every moments you’ll have with your grandma. To say how much you love each other. To be aware of the love that remains between all of you, despite circumstances, despite any difficulties. It will be intense, but it’s at the measure of your love for her. And this love is beyond everything. It’s inside you, inside your heart, it’s part of who you are and part of who your grandma is. You will never lose it.

And this community will be here anytime you need a shoulder to rest on.
Much Love. :two_hearts:

Sometimes those of us with a strong sense of empathy feel the strongest impact after loss. You’re starting the grieving process already, and I’m sure the anticipation of that is making things worse for you. I’m so sorry you are going through this. Just remember to lean on your family for support, it won’t be easy for anyone, but if you are feeling that not talking to them will be easier than seeing them cry then I think you’re wrong about that. Any amount of support you can give each other will benefit your whole family, it will bring you closer and help you recall positive memories about her and everyone else. Focus on those positive times and if you get to spend any more time with her, just reminisce about the good times as much as possible.

I lost both my grandmother earlier in the year and my sister in December (she was only 24) last year and it was the most difficult time of my life. I live far away from most of my family and I didn’t talk to them much after my sister passed away, partially because I was afraid to because it was too difficult for me to talk about it, to hear them cry over the phone. It was difficult, but I know that even though it was hard, talking to them I know helped them. At least to let them know that they aren’t going through it alone.

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