This past I found that my grandmother is near the end of her life, it happen out of no where and that what sucks the most. It been really fueling my anxitey where I flip out at work and while im driving, I have not self harm yet, but sometime I do want too or lash out on someone in aggressive way. Im been saying fuck shit and my mind has trying tell release the dark side i of me. Like their are thoughs in my head that just is not me, but it in my head. For example one thought would go punch someone in face out of nowhere and freak me out. I dont if that anxiety or my anger. Their time i want to hurt my love and friends, it really mess with head and I try to fight it off. I know they are just thought and cant control them.
I think it fact as I gotten old. alot more people in my ethier go away or pass away. It freak me in way for fact my time will come or time will take my family or love one away from me.
It suck seeing my grandmother at end of her rope and I dont want her to leave.