My grandpa died and I don’t know how to feel

I received news that my grandpa on my dad’s side died on Sunday. I literally don’t know how to feel. I think I’m still stuck in the stage of I can’t believe it happened. When my dad called and told me, I kept asking him if he was sure. Literally just a few days ago, my grandpa was joking with the neighbors. I think it still hasn’t hit me yet. Or it might just be me. Aren’t you supposed to feel something by now? I’m on anxiety meds, Amisulpride and Citalopram. I’ve read they can make you feel flat. The way I’ve always been is that I’m not able to feel strong emotion for long. I don’t know if it’s cause I’ve been on medication for 12 years or not. Different medications. I just think it’s weird that I’m not feeling much right now. I mean, I recognize that he is gone. Maybe I’m still in disbelief. I don’t know. But do you think it could be anything else? How do I get through this weird lack of feeling? And in general his passing? Do I want to get over this lack of feeling?

Thanks for sharing and I’m really sorry to hear about your grandpa. I think it’s important to point out that it does seem that you have emotions coming through, the fact that you kept asking your dad if he was sure, speaks to me that there are emotions inside you with this loss. I think in general dealing with death is unique to everyone and each situation. I can relate to that “flat” feeling you mentioned. Sometimes for me it’s been because of mixed emotions about my relationship with the individual who passed or sometimes I think I’ve gone flat as a self defense mechanism. I think over time you’ll better understand your emotions with this loss. It could always help to talk to a therapist to better understand what’s causing this initial flat feeling.

Hey friend,

I completely get what you’re going through. My grandpa passed away when I was 12 (I’m 20 now) and it seemed so surreal. I always told myself that my grandpa had gotten through every other thing, so why should this be any different? It caused me to spur into my first major depressive episode. I know what you mean about feeling flat, or numb, or detatched from reality. I’ve been there and it hurts. All I can tell you is that, even though it sucks right now, you’ll be okay. You’ll have emotions that are okay to feel - so feel them. It’s okay to cry, to be mad, to have regrets, to not feel anything. It’s all part of the greiving process. Be patient with yourself. We’ve got your back.

hold fast


Thank you. I spoke to a friend of mine about it this morning and I felt some emotion as I started talking about some memories with my grandpa. I think partly the feeling flat might be a defense mechanism. Maybe not one I consciously created or that was even created by me, but on one hand this feeling of flatness helps me in a way. Helps me get through the days without breaking down.

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Thank you, friend. I appreciate the support. I feel guilty about not feeling but thanks to your words, I feel a bit better. I felt some emotion earlier when I talked to a friend about my grandpa, so I think I need to talk aloud about it more. The emotions are coming and for now, I’m kind of grateful that it’s not hitting all at once. I think the realizations, etc. would give me anxiety if they came all at once.

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What you are feeling, I believe, is a normal part of the grieving process. I read that there are 5 stages: 1) Denial, 2) Anger, 3) Bargaining, 4) Depression, and 5) Acceptance. You may not go through all of them or will it be in that particular order. Source.

Things will get better and it is normal to grieve. We’re here to support you!

Thanks! That makes me feel better. I appreciate the support.

first of all i am so sorry for your loss . the best way to get through this feeling is grieve , cry , hugs someone . He will be missed. hes up in heaven with god . take your time we love you if you need anything we are here for u

Thank you. I appreciate the support. I’m talking to friends and family about it, which is helping.