Back to heartsupport

My happiness never last

Im 24 years old and my life is pretty much miserable, people only know me as a cheerful person but it was just a mask to hide my loneliness, fast forward to october 2019 ive been transfered to one of my company’s client, so i work there and i wasnt expecting myself to actually feel a true happiness, it was the best experience i ever had, awesone teammates and co-worker, i hated weekend and loved monday morning to go to work with full energy and able to meet my crush over there, I planned many projects up to q4 2020 with him there were so much that we need to do and i was really looking forward to it, as I said i was really happy for the first time in my 24 years of miserable life, i go to work early and came home late but i enjoyed it thoroughly. Due to some incident that wasnt entirely my fault but they just pointed finger on me, ive been taken out from the team and have been reassigned to another client, my life was pretty much ended that night, it really was a devastating experiences for me, how i longed for this happiness my entire life only for it to be taken away so fast, how i actually felt i can be my own self and my teammates and my crush still likes, now it’s gone. Its been 11 days after the incident and my heart never feel better, i cried and wept a lot, ive been thinking of commiting suicide everyday, life no longer has meaning to me if i never be allowed to be happy then why should i continue living if only the feeling of isolation is all i can only experience? Theres nothing to look forward to and my manager is pessimistic if i ever be allowed to work on the said client again although he also took the blames but they only pointed finger on me. Im hopeless i want to be back to this team even if that chance is pretty miniscule. It tortures me everytime i wake up after dreaming of the moment me and my crush work together the pain really suffocated me and i want to be done with this life.

4 Likes

Wow. Friend, I am so sorry. That has to be so incredibly difficult. To lose a position that you were happy with and enjoyed doing. That’s really rough. I don’t blame you for feeling crushed and disappointed. You have every right to be.

I think it’s important to be reminded though, that even though it may not feel like it, this doesn’t mean that you are not a valuable worker and person. It doesn’t make you a failure. Sounds like some rough stuff went down that you took a lot of fault for, and I’m so sorry. I know not everything is very forgiving.

One of my best friends lost their job recently too. A job he has had for so many years. A small mistake that could happen to anyone but it was crucial and it cost him his position. Like you he has been really bummed. You know, it sucks that this had to happen to you guys but that doesn’t mean that all opportunities to you are closed. You never know what things may come your way that you might end up enjoying or excelling in. Don’t give up hope friend.

I know it’s hard. I know your struggling, but don’t give up. If you need, you can connect to the heart support discord where you can connect to other people who struggle and can relate. You can’t vent it out in the #realtalk channel or generally connect with other people. There are a lot of resources there that you can use and take advantage of. Maybe even hang out in one of the Twitch streams for heart support if you haven’t already. The guys who run the streams are so incredibly sweet and loving. They spend so much time trying to encourage and love everyone that comes through. Sometimes just participating in that can feel really good. It helps me a lot.

Take some time out for you to self reflect. Whether you treat yourself to a movie, a lunch, coffee. Take some time out to write. Go do something you enjoy. Sounds like maybe you could use some self care and time to just do what feels good to you.

Friend I hope and pray that you find healing and resolve in all of this. That you find strength and courage to keep fighting. Someone here cares. Much love friend

  • Kitty
3 Likes

I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way, know that you are loved and understood here :heart:
No matter how good a job can be, or how positively it can impact us, a job or position can never be the only thing that makes life worth living or makes you happy. You can’t expect your job to be like a delivery system, delivering you joy on a daily basis. You have a choice to take control of it all and not let this get to you. As for your crush, is there a chance you can stay connected with him? That would be worth a try!
Hang in there friend, I love you. You’re worth the breath in your lungs and more.

4 Likes

Hi all, thanks for your supports and comforting words, i feel little bit better at the moment, i have my ups and down, but it’s always after i wake up in the morning or when i reread all the chat from him and team when i was still with them. When i feel better is because he texted me first informing everything that is going on and keeping me updated. But it’s torturing me that I cant see him, maybe only once a month. But I do still holding hope that i might eventually be able to be back in the team, he isnt the sole reason why i wanted to back though. In the meantime i try to adapt with new work environment and try to make myself as comfort as possible.

1 Like

I’m glad you’re feeling a little better. We all have our ups and downs. We all have our moments and that’s okay. I hope that you’re able to find something that works out for you, darln so that you can feel good about things again. :heart:

1 Like

I just feel isolated and sad right now, when im doing activities that my crush and I usually do together and now im doing it alone and wondering what he is doing rn

1 Like

That’s completely fair! It’s normal. I’d be bummed too! Valid. I guess it just means when you are able to hang out again, it’ll feel even better. I know that doesn’t fully help but , I get it. As someone who has done long distance relationships I know that time apart is really difficult. But I know how good I felt when I finally was able to be with them.i know you’re not long distance but time apart is still time apart near or far.

We’re here if you need to talk during those times you feel alone

1 Like

Hi there, i havent been here much due to increasing workload, not long after my last reply my mom passed away due to her illness ( she had a diabetic ) it was a devastating experience on top of my own personal issue, on one of her final night i still joke and shared a meal with her, she passed away was pretty sudden due to her diabetic wound was actually getting better and heal nicely but her heart and liver failing and we were too focused on her wound since she never showed any symptoms of heart failure beforehand, i was actually going to commit suicide the day before she died but i ditched the idea because of her, i didnt want to worsen her conditions, but then again weeks passed since she died the thought of suicide coming up again today on my way to home then 5 minutes later life almost flashes in front of my eyes as i almost getting crushed by the truck due to the car in front of me pulling the brake so sudden, i was able to steer away and not colliding with the car barely, but my hand was caught in the truck that hit the car, i would be dead if i was late 1 secs of taking control of my bike. i didnt feel anything after the incident, first person i informed about the incident was my crush and he replied pretty instantly. but then again it doesnt make me feel any better, i was trying to be positive these few days but it’s getting harder by the minutes since the thought of suicide and hopeless life keep popping up every now and then.

1 Like

Hey friend, I am so sorry about your mom. What a terrible thing to have happen. It’s natural to have intense heavy emotions and have a hard time after experiencing such a heavy loss, so do what you need to, to grieve and heal. Whether it’s being around family or seeing a therapist and if you get feeling heavily suicidal, darling, be sure that you go to the emergency room or call someone okay? Your life matters. I know that things have been really hard for you lately but it’s important to seek out the care you need. I’m not sure what country you’re living in, but we can get you the proper resources if you let us know.

Yikes, I’m glad that you are okay and safe now. Be careful friend. That’s really scary.

Know that when things start getting heavy that there is an entire community here that you can reach out to. We have resources we can give you. And if you need to talk through it then we can listen. Your life matters. How you are feeling and what you are going through matters. Okay? I know things are hard but it can get better.

What area do you live in in? So we can get you some resources.

Are you in our discord? There is a whole list of links and phone numbers and different resources that you can use and take advantage of if you ever need to. https://discord.gg/kTHJPF

Friend, I’m so incredibly sorry for the hardship you and your family are going through right now. For the loss of your momma. :disappointed:

We are here for you. :heart:

Yeah everytime the thought came up I tried to call my sister and bestfriend about it, the past 3 days hit me pretty hard all of a sudden although i was feeling better and have shown a sign of moving on and adjusting to the new place it’s just all of a sudden all the good memories I had with my crush and my team back there came up instead of making me rejoicing the good memories it made me sad, it made me delusional to think that all of these are probably an extended literal nightmare and i still sleeping somewhere. my ex have been trying to reconnect with me after my mom passed although i appreciate her gesture i still remember that she caused so much pain in the past and she still is right now albeit unaware of it, so i dont know whether welcoming her again into my life is a good thing or not?

anyway, i live in southeast asia country that lacks any kind of suicide hotline, or mental health hotline in general, depression or any other mental issues are still taboo in here idk if it’s the lack of education most people in here or what, the discord link sounds cool but i’m not good at speaking english, i will check later and thanks Kitty.