I’ve been absent from Heart Support for quite some time now… My life has changed so much latley… Some days it all feels like too much… There’s a noticeable weight on my chest that makes it all feel so heavy… My recent ex and I are figuring things out to potentially get back together, but there’s so much fear in my mind that we won’t… I know what I want and where I stand with my feelings, but I’m so scared to even ask him where he stands because of the fear of rejection… I lost my job and I feel like I can’t get in anywhere that I apply no matter how many times I stop in or call… My great grandma has cancer and it’s spread fast… I’m stressed, anxious, and depressed… I’m trying to not let any of this affect me, but I’m also holding a lot in… I’m having a hard time and I feel alone 
I’m so sorry you have had to go through those things. It’s understandable that you feel the way you are feeling right now.
An important lesson I learned 5 years ago (and am still working on to improving to this day) is that it’s important to not close off from the world. To stay open. It leaves us vulnerable and that’s why we hate it, but it’s so important.
Being open about how you are feeling (even when it’s not good feelings) is important because it opens a line to problem solving, and helps you have a better understanding and connection with others. It makes things clear, and that can take a large social weight off your shoulders. Social ambiguity is not a fun time.
Being open about your struggles is important as well. It leaves ourselves open to judgement, sure, but it can help immensely. An open ear, a soothing voice, and wisdom are all amazing, powerful things and it is okay to want them and it is okay to ask for them.
I am a pretty closed off guy, so this was a huge problem for me. Nobody knew anything about me other than what I’d handpick for them to see. That lifestyle works fine, but when times get hard, I’d be left alone. I couldn’t even talk to my parents, because they didn’t know even really know me, besides my life at home.
Why would I show anybody my problems? I acted like it was heroic to hide the unfortunate truths from everyone.
The truth is, it’s not fun to walk alone. It might have a cool look to it, but it’s never fulfilling. Humans need humans.
Be open to those hard conversations. Start some yourself. Use “I feel,” not “you are” language.
I hope some of this helps. Love you, friend.
Austin
Hi, friend.
I’m glad you found your way back here, but I’m sorry that it’s not under better circumstances.
Might I suggest that when you work things out with your ex that you try to work on openness, communication and honesty with one another? I know things can be really scary especially when you fear rejection, but a relationship without the ability to be open and honest together is a rocky road. Maybe before you decide to get together you can agree to work on those communication needs? That way you can feel more secure in that relationship and less afraid. It would be really sad if you had to carry that fear into a relationship you cared about. I hope you’re able to work that out <3
I’m sorry about your job loss. ): That’s rough. I know job search is always a major stresser. I wish you lots of good luck and hope you are able to find something that works for you and that you can feel at least content with.
And I’m really sorry to hear about your grandma. I lost my grandfather to cancer a few years back. It was really hard. I’ll be thinking of you and your family. That’s never easy.
So much love to you
- Kitty