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My issues with life and stuff

See, what happened was that basically, I’m not sure about anything anymore. I’m going into my sophomore year, and I don’t know what to do. My grades in my freshman classes sucked, and I almost failed algebra 2, which is a reason why I decided I wouldn’t want any math related careers like I previously did. I don’t know what I want anymore, and this virus messed up everything. My parents are making me review algebra 2, and they want me to study ahead for precalc. I also make music, but they don’t really seem to support me in it, and I’m pretty sure they prefer for my grades to be better. I’m also in a magnet school, so the acceleration of classes doesn’t really help me with getting better grades, and it causes more stress. Back in 8th grade, I used to cause self harm to myself, and the reason I stopped was cuz my friends told the school counselor, who then told my parents. When I got home, I told my dad, and he broke down in tears, when my mom came home and I told her, she just hugged me and they told me not to do it again. I don’t know anymore, my feelings are all messed up, and I don’t really have physical contact with my friends, due to COVID. And physical contact with my friends at school helped me keep going. I would tell my parents I loved going to school cuz it was fun, cuz I had friends with the same interests, and they said it was okay, but they said I had to pay attention more in school or something. And now, I’m reviewing my work and studying ahead like they want, and my mom keeps telling me to go and do more so I can finish by the end of summer. There’s a lotttttt of stuff I have to review according to the online review I’m doing, and it’s too much for me. I don’t know what to do anymore. And I also have piano lessons each Friday over Zoom, and I get anxiety every time I open it up for lesson, and that messes me up during it, and the more I mess up, the more flustered I get, so it gets worse. I’m not really sure what to do anymore.

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@Idkanymore1 thank you for sharing and it sounds like you have a lot going on with your studies and piano lessons each Friday.
How did it go today with your piano lesson? Did you feel anxious and or stumble during the lesson? Is there a way to take a break from the lessons or have it a couple of times during the month?

I commend you for keeping up on your studies, it sounds super stressful to have so much work and ecxpectations from your parents.
Please give yourself credit for what you are doing and maybe schedule out times to do your studies and have some time for self-care. What do you like to do for fun while at home? Any hobbies? Let me know how you are feeling?

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Well, my piano lesson was terrible, I hit some wrong notes, and then he kept on making me play the same stuff, and then he realized that the microphone was causing some weird sound, and then I started messing up even more cuz I wasn’t sure anymore. Also, one of my hobbies is making music to post on my YouTube channel, but my parents don’t really seem to support it and stuff, and I get more support for my music from online people versus my family, so I’m trying to hit a major subscriber goal to prove them wrong

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How are you today?
What genre of music do you make on YouTube?

Mostly electronic, ive been kinda slacking off on making it lol

I here ya, that can happen. Any self-care regimes you have been engaging in lately.
For me it’s my sheet masks for my face, lighting candles, journaling, or just be in the moment.
Sending hugs and love your way :cherry_blossom::sparkling_heart::pray:t5:

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