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Belongs to: Therapist Reads the Diary of a Madman by Ozzy Osbourne
My life has become an endless cycle of suffering with no relief in sight. I have become so numb that I visit the painful memories just to feel anything.
Having reached out for an analgesic connection and found that those precious relationships were not reciprocal.
“Man up” is the closest thing I have found to genuine concern. And I have turned to the toxic cyberspace of social media and its abusive heliosphere of wounded souls to vilify my ego just for a moment of belonging.
It isn’t likely to end anytime soon. And somehow, I find an excuse to wake up and do it again. Perhaps out of a bitter sense of morbid curiosity. How much worse can it get? Who will betray me next? This taint seeps into me filling the void that seems not to have an end. As my personality grows ever darker my honestly exposes the sadness in my soul and I revel in the disgust it produces.
Have you ever wondered what it would be like to be invisible?
I don’t. Not anymore.
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Im so grateful that you shared your thoughts. Being trapped in an endless cycle of suffering exhausts and frustrates us causing us to believe there is no hope. We learn to become numb because the suffering is too much, but then the numbness becomes too much and we’ll do anything just to feel. It makes us believe we are invisible and don’t matter. We search for meaning and worth through things that we know deep down won’t really help but we do it anyway out of desperation.
You describe so well what it feels like and I’m grateful for your ability and willingness to put it into words and share. You have a gift. I appreciate that because it’s a reminder that we are not alone. I’ve felt desperate to be seen and heard. I’ve believed there was no hope and I was too far gone. But I realized that there are people who can relate and that by sharing and opening up I was able to slowly reclaim the person I had buried deep inside. I believed the lies I told myself, that I was crazy and unlovable. But then I realized that I’m just a human being and we are all struggling and trying to find our way. I hope you are able to find connection and encouragement here and realize that you are not alone and there is hope for you. I truly believe that! Thank you for putting your feelings into words and I hope you continue to do so! Stay strong, I’m rooting for you!
Wow. This was powerful and deep and so raw. Thank you for deciding to share this with us. I’m sorry that you haven’t been offered any amount of genuine concern, aside from needing to “man up,” which is such a dumb thing to tell someone, in my opinion. No one should be dismissed when they are telling someone that they are struggling and need some help.
You have a level of self-awareness about yourself that not a lot of people can get to. It is hard to recognize things that are quite right with ourselves or behaviors that aren’t in our best interests. You not only can do that, but you also know why you are doing those things and what you are trying to seek out. The internet is such an interesting place. It can give us the answers to the universe, make up think that we are dying, have us feel completely alone or give us a place where we can finally be seen.
We see you.
Feeling like you are invisible is such an isolating feeling. Not only do you feel like no one notices you, but you also feel like no one cares if you are there or not. Like you don’t matter. You said that you wonder why you keep waking up and continuing on everyday, trying to decide when the next horrible thing is going to happen to you. Have you ever wondered if you keep finding a way to wake up everyday because there is a part of you that keeps fighting to be seen? A part of you that knows you deserve to be seen? A part of you that is fighting for the life that doesn’t involve the level of sadness that you are currently experiencing and can feel things that have nothing to do with the painful memories?
We see you. You matter. There is a piece of this world with your name on it and there is a part of you fighting to find it. You deserve to find it. Just like you deserved to find this community. We will never tell you that you need to “man up,” because we genuinely care. We are your community now and we are not going anywhere.
Yer not invisible anymore, I see you.