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My life is breaking to pieces

It feels like whenever I think my life can’t get any worse it does… 8 months ago I was prescribed a new medication for my Epilepsy that were supposed to help me, but they’ve only taken away my ability to think straight, talk, and even keep sane. I contemplate suicide on a daily basis and the pills cause me to be angry all the time at everyone. I even told my doctor about these side effects and he said, “Yeah, these things happen.”

That was a few months ago when he said that and I’ve become numb to all of these damn side effects now. I’ve become so used to feeling my world slip into gray every time I swallow another one of these pills.

Now my wife is talking to another man and she said its a friend. I believe her and she is an amazing person, but I’m also combating these pills from putting these awful thoughts in my brain. This rage is spinning out of control and I just want to scream. On top of all of this I know our marriage isn’t well. Because of my mental health issues, Epilepsy, and constant work schedule, I can tell that she’s slipping away. It’s the most heartbreaking thing in the world. There’s a pit in my stomach 24/7 and I feel like throwing up.

I’ve been trying to find healthy outlets to put this like the gym…Typing this out on here seems to help as well. I hope someone out there is listening. I don’t really have any friends. I’ve just never felt so alone in my entire life.

I am sorry to hear that you’re going through this. Seizures are no joke and I understand what you’re saying about the nasty side affects of the pills, it’s all valid. There are other prescriptions available, and I would encourage you to speak with a neurologist about it if you are able. I feel as though trying to be open and honest with your wife about the way you are feeling may help you to feel better, as well as enlighten her. I think just talking is a good first step, as daunting as it may seem. If this isn’t something you feel comfortable with, you could always seek help from a therapist or a loved one.
Best wishes.

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Hello, my friend. Each week our twitch stream chooses a heart support post to respond to. Tonight, it was yours. I hope you find this helpful.

Good luck to you, friend.
Brian - mydaddycangame

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Hi @Blank,

Your doctor doesn’t seem to be really listening to you. Indeed, side effects happens, but he could at least advise you things that would relieve you a little in your everyday life. At the beginning of your treatment, it could be normal and your body has to adjust to it progressively. But now it’s been a month and despite this, side effects should always been taken seriously and be monitored. Sometimes it can also increase anxiety or affect your mood. So maybe it would be great to talk about these and how they affect you with an other doctor, just in case.

I’m really sorry about the situation with your wife. I feel this. Having a sickness right now and receiving a heavy treatment, I feel like I’m loosing my husband too. So I try my best to keep in mind that this situation is also very exhausting for him but it’s heartbreaking. So… I’m sorry I don’t really have words for this, but what Diz said before about talking and being honest is really important. It’s a first step.
I’m with you wholeheartedly. And despite this, know that you are not alone. :two_hearts:

Gym and exercise can be really helpful, for both your mind and body. So as long as you can do it and enjoy it, I’d like to say: hang on to this. It’s the healthier antidepressant. :slight_smile: And as long as you need to write things here, you will always be free to do it.

Take care, friend.

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I just wanted to thank everyone for the overwhelming support. It’s impossible to know what to say in these situations I know, but just knowing that you’re there truly helps. Your heartfelt advice was meaningful and I lost count the number of times I read through it and watched the Twitch stream for strength to get me through today. I plan to continue to write out my tough times and find the healthiest outlets for my emotions. I really cannot express how grateful I am to you to know that I’m not alone in this world.

Thank you.

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What you’re doing is truly remarkable, hearing a voice of understanding has been very therapeutic. When I watched it for the first time in the car today when I got to work I broke down in tears. It might have been the realization that there are some great people out there in this world who care about me more than anyone else I know. Please keep doing this. You are saving lives.

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Oh, Blank… What a message this is. Thank you so much for your kind words, and I’m so glad you found comfort in the twitch message. You truly are not alone, my friend. I wish you so much peace and happiness. -Brian