It feels like whenever I think my life can’t get any worse it does… 8 months ago I was prescribed a new medication for my Epilepsy that were supposed to help me, but they’ve only taken away my ability to think straight, talk, and even keep sane. I contemplate suicide on a daily basis and the pills cause me to be angry all the time at everyone. I even told my doctor about these side effects and he said, “Yeah, these things happen.”
That was a few months ago when he said that and I’ve become numb to all of these damn side effects now. I’ve become so used to feeling my world slip into gray every time I swallow another one of these pills.
Now my wife is talking to another man and she said its a friend. I believe her and she is an amazing person, but I’m also combating these pills from putting these awful thoughts in my brain. This rage is spinning out of control and I just want to scream. On top of all of this I know our marriage isn’t well. Because of my mental health issues, Epilepsy, and constant work schedule, I can tell that she’s slipping away. It’s the most heartbreaking thing in the world. There’s a pit in my stomach 24/7 and I feel like throwing up.
I’ve been trying to find healthy outlets to put this like the gym…Typing this out on here seems to help as well. I hope someone out there is listening. I don’t really have any friends. I’ve just never felt so alone in my entire life.