My life is crazy im stuck here

i live with my ex we share a son and i help with her other kids. we recently renovated the house that her father gave her, i sank my entire savings into making it livable for my son but now i cant afford to bounce.

she went out drinking last night and never came home, she texted me saying she went to her girlfriends, i didnt respond. i dont really care if there is someone else, but if she decides she wants me out so she can do her thing ill be homeless overnight. the county i live in is hard to find houseing and im on probation so i cant leave the area without transferring and thats a problem i also cant live in my car if i want visits with my son even though im raising him by myself.

basically ive been up all night soul searching trying to meditate the anxiety away i am stuck in between a rock and a hard place to a degree i cant put into words. so much has been left out been battling thoughts of self harm for the last couple weeks really bad. this woman has so much control she isnt involved with our son she wont let me leave the house even for work she just abandons our son on me all the time which i love him and want to be with him all the time but i need to get money too i have a career going down the tubes because she is purposely trying to get me fired. and if i advocate for myself im treated like an abuser.
when i want to kill myself and need somone to talk to i cant contact any of my counselors because they will put me in psyche they are mandatory reporters and that will be used against me in the coming custody battle. i am recording all audio to show that im not the abusive person she tells the police i am
i am struggling every day not to self harm and pretend to be happy for my sons sake thanks for reading i gave up on grammar

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Hey Friend,

Welcome to Heartsupport! I’m glad you found us and felt comfortable with sharing your story.

Holy cow, I feel feel for you. I’m proud of you for sticking things out for the sake of your son above all else.

that aside, your mental health matters a great deal. In fact, it’s something that long term - your son needs. I think it is super important that you’re recording the audio of what’s going on and in general keeping track of all these things will go a long way on your struggle to keep seeing your kid into the future. If you have any receipts, bills, etc, from everything with the house that can be used in that paper trail as well. In these kind of things, it can be really easy to let it become a preasure cooker and force you into a position where you blow up or emotionally react. Do you best to keep calm and remain a good person as these things can and will come back to bite your ex in the butt.

I had a similiar experience with my ex, though we did not have a kid together.

My ex had started cheating on me and I knew it even though she always denied it. She was a mental, physical, and emotional abuser that I’m still recovering from 3 years later.

Long story short, I eventually unequevically found out that she was doing this and exactly with who. Police got involved, it was messy. two weeks later, despite me trying to kick her out, she refused to go and I walked in the door and saw her face timing this person. I lost my shit and started yelling at her.

She called the police, but when they showed up one took me outside to speak with me and another went inside to speak with her. The police officer saw the situation for 3 minutes in my home but when he took me to the side he already knew what was going on and straight up kept telling me sorry.

when the other police officer was finished speaking with my ex, he joined us outside. Told us that she said I was a chronic physical abuser, but he didn’t believe her - saw her manipulation tactics straight away and told me sorry. What they did was take me to a friends house where I crashed on his couch for 3 months until she finally moved out after getting mediation parties invovled.

So I know how you feel with thoughts of self harm and suicide… that said, keep being a kind person, do the right things, keep believing in yourself and trust yourself.

outside of that, do you have any friends or family in the area that you can go to? stay with for at least a night, or something along those lines? I know you’re in a tough spot, but I firmly believe that everything is figer outable.

Stay strong my friend. I believe in you. I believe that you’re a good dad and one day your son will know this to his core.

Hold fast

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Hi Kyle_Miller,

Welcome to HeartSupport!

Seeing you in this struggling situation i would find friends and family to reach out too. Domestic violence type of the stuff is not easy and if you felt like you’re stuck in the deep hole with this person and she not making any changes. You can’t really get out of the situation because you don’t have the income to move out of the hole. So, I would find help in this situation your in because you’re worth helping get out of hole you’re stuck into. Family and friends could help the situation if the other is not making progress in this relationship. There also therapy and stuff available to help talk about the issues as well. So, i would definitely reach out to others and see what they can do to help the situation. If this person. You did a great thing by reaching out here on heartsupport. Take alot to stay in this type of relationship she using tactics to get you away from her. I would collect what information i can and get out after this whole mess. Hope what i said helped.

  • Kyle
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Welcome, Kyle, to our community! I’m so glad you’ve been able to find this space and share your story. You are in a difficult situation, and sharing it with others can be even more difficult.

It seems that living with your ex is your only viable option for living arrangements. That makes sense that you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The drive to find relief from all the stress must be overwhelming too. You are trying so hard to not succumb to harming yourself. And it’s compounded with not being able to be completely open with your counselors.

I know with regular therapists, putting you in psyche is not the first action they normally use. One thing that I did with my therapist is make a safety plan for if I am ever actively suicidal. That might be something that you could also prepare (either on your own or with a trusted individual) before the event that you are in that space (ie. https://988lifeline.org/wp-content/uploads/2017/09/Brown_StanleySafetyPlanTemplate1.pdf).

This is a difficult situation, but know that life will not always be like this. You are doing the best you can to ensure a positive outcome. You will get through this.

Hold Fast.

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Hi there Kyle,

Although I’ve never been in a situation like yours, I can understand how difficult it must be being framed an abuser even though that’s not the case. Moreover, I acknowledge that being on probation makes it a thousand times worse, and especially with a son that makes it a lot harder to get by financially. Overall, I acknowledge that you most likely feel like an avalanche of stress is constantly hitting you down everyday, and you are not alone with that feeling. However, I admire that from your words, you don’t let out that frustration towards your son and genuinely love and treat him well.

It’s also incredibly strong and diligent of you to help out your ex with her other kids, which I’m sure not many other people would be willing to do especially when it’s not their kids they need to take care of. You sound like a good and amazing person overall, and I wish that there could be a faster way your thoughts of self-harm could go away. However, please know that there are so many people who love you, including your son and people on this platform as well! May I also ask if you have any close family or friends who could also help you emotionally with your situation?

Anyway, it’s nice to hear that you’ve been trying to take your stress away by meditating. That’s actually a great step a lot of people take for frustration relief. During times when I tripped bad, I always journalled down my feelings and listened to music, which helped dissipate a lot of pessimism. You can also try planning some fun activities with your son, such as baking or making crafts with him! I’m sure he loves you very much, and I hope you know that you are loved by so many others as well.

Also, please understand that you do not need to pretend to be happy everyday, because it is okay for everyone to have gloomy days where they actively need to seek catharsis and relieve those bottled feelings. I know your counselors are also not helping with your situation, which I know is really hard because these people are often the first others go to for mental or emotional support. While not a replacement, you can always seek comfort here as we welcome everyone and try to offer support or advice to the best of our abilities.

Anyhow, I send all my prayers toward your win of the custody battle, and I hope that this reply has helped you recognise yourself as a worthy, good, fatherly, and an incredibly strong person who is not alone in the situation you’re in. Please post again if you do feel so, and we; as a team, will do our best to reply quickly.

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