i keep having disgusting thoughts, over and over again. it stresses me out, i can’t eat or sleep. i don’t even think i deserve to.
i thought i was getting better, i had a sorta good day yesterday, and immediately woke up with disgusting thoughts. if these thoughts are real and not ocd, i don’t think i deserve to live.
i know when i was on my meds i didn’t think disgusting thoughts anymore and when i did, it was easier to let go. so i’m thinking it’s ocd, but i can’t help but think it’s all real and i’m a monster.
i’m going to open up to my therapist about everything and hopefully she’ll say i’m a normal person. but i’m so scared to do it. i feel like i can’t enjoy anything if i’m actually a disgusting person.
i don’t know who i am anymore. my whole life has been filled with trauma and anxiety, but these past three years have been the worst years in my life ever.